My annual August internet detox has failed miserably, so I'm going to try it again in October when I'm full of post-holiday good intentions. Hmph. Anyway it's soon September and I'll try and fit in as much blogging stuff as time allows.
I'm still battling anxiety and depression. There, I said it, and I'm trying to do something about it. Whilst I am completely honest, open and upfront about what's wrong with me - something which I have struggled with for almost 15 years - why do others have such a problem with it? Let's just sweep it under the carpet. After all, when you have the ongoing Groundhog Day bore-a-thon of the Ice Bucket Challenge and the daily Facebook obsessions, then why bother with someone who does not share your interests and quite frankly, just doesn't give a flying f**k?? Try independence of thought sometime. You might like it.
No offence to those who have actually done the Ice Bucket Challenge, and all the money it has raised for charity. Some of the video clips are admittedly funny, but it's just not for me. The most annoying thing about this well-meaning but egotistical exercise is the peer-pressure placed on those with a mind of their own, who choose not to join Facebook and/or participate in this daily nightmare without end.
"Who hasn't done it yet??" It's like a revival of school bullying, reinvented for adult life. If you don't do it, there must be something wrong with you. Don't you like a laugh? Well yes, I do as it happens, but as the saying goes, are we not at "peak bucket" yet? And in a summer where I completely unravelled and found myself in a very dark place, getting someone to throw a bucket of water over me is the least of my worries. Get a life, people.
It is just over two weeks until I go on holiday: now there is something which fills me with excitement.
Thursday, 28 August 2014
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
The journey from Naw to Aye: my last word on the Scottish independence referendum
Finally, this is my last word on the subject. (Aren't you all glad of that!)
In September 2013 I wrote a blog post on why I would be voting No in the Scottish independence referendum which takes place on 18th September. By June 2014 the confirmed 100% No voter had become a Yes-with-reservations, as I devoured every intelligent argument (online of course - you won't find these in the Scottish press) about the reasons why Scotland should be an independent country, and a potentially successful one at that. But I still had my doubts.
The referendum is now just over 5 weeks away. I will be voting Yes.
So what changed my mind? Well, I have taken the time to explore all views and opinions, for and against, from all sides of the argument. It has been a long time and a lot of work, but the research is worth it when the future of your country is at stake. I have deliberately avoided the arguments from the SNP and Better Together, preferring to focus on rational, intelligent arguments and explanations by people who are independent (pardon the pun) of thought. The Scottish National Party (SNP) may have facilitated the referendum, but I do not share their views and I can't stand its leader Alex Salmond. And don't even start me on that awful TV debate last week between him and Better Together's frontman Alistair Darling: a shouting match which did neither side any favours.
I know more people who will be voting No than voting Yes. Everyone to their own decision, but I would guess that many of those will not have taken the time or trouble to seek out all the information available, and only listened to the fear-driven arguments of much of the Scottish media. I have chosen to take the time to make an informed decision.
Breaking away from the UK is going to be a tough decision to make. We have so much in common, we like a lot of the same things, we watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music, we have shared experiences. But Scotland's political life has always been more distinctively different from the rest of the UK: we have always been more left-wing/socialist in our outlook. There is a lot of exciting debate coming from the radical left and who knows - this could even lead to the creation of a new political force in our country. Whilst acknowledging there are certain parts of the country which will always vote for other parties, the fact remains that in all my life Scotland has always 'been Labour' and which in the past two Scottish Parliament elections, punished the party for its swing to the right in the rest of the UK. This brought the SNP to power and ultimately gave that party a mandate to hold this infamous referendum.
The decision to choose independence for Scotland is purely based on our right to run our own affairs. It's a chance for Scotland to reinvent itself, to make a fresh start as a progressive country, to create a fair and just society where people are not punished for being poor. As the southern part of the UK dangerously spirals towards an extreme right-wing future and a potential Tory/UKIP coalition, can you blame us for not wanting to be part of that?
The forthcoming referendum has had some positive side-effects. Political apathy took hold of this country a long time ago, so who'd have thought that so many people are getting out there to attend public meetings? I had never been to a political meeting in my life, but recently I attended a public meeting where more relevant points and questions were raised and addressed in one night than you would ever get in a year's worth of televised debates. Finally, people are beginning to take an interest in the future direction of our country. However, when it comes to voting time, I just can't see the majority of my countrymen and women voting yes.
But I have finally made my own decision. In answer to the question: "Should Scotland be an independent country?". I will be voting yes. In the words of John Lennon, Citizen Smith and Molly Smitten-Downes: power to the people.
In September 2013 I wrote a blog post on why I would be voting No in the Scottish independence referendum which takes place on 18th September. By June 2014 the confirmed 100% No voter had become a Yes-with-reservations, as I devoured every intelligent argument (online of course - you won't find these in the Scottish press) about the reasons why Scotland should be an independent country, and a potentially successful one at that. But I still had my doubts.
The referendum is now just over 5 weeks away. I will be voting Yes.
So what changed my mind? Well, I have taken the time to explore all views and opinions, for and against, from all sides of the argument. It has been a long time and a lot of work, but the research is worth it when the future of your country is at stake. I have deliberately avoided the arguments from the SNP and Better Together, preferring to focus on rational, intelligent arguments and explanations by people who are independent (pardon the pun) of thought. The Scottish National Party (SNP) may have facilitated the referendum, but I do not share their views and I can't stand its leader Alex Salmond. And don't even start me on that awful TV debate last week between him and Better Together's frontman Alistair Darling: a shouting match which did neither side any favours.
I know more people who will be voting No than voting Yes. Everyone to their own decision, but I would guess that many of those will not have taken the time or trouble to seek out all the information available, and only listened to the fear-driven arguments of much of the Scottish media. I have chosen to take the time to make an informed decision.
Breaking away from the UK is going to be a tough decision to make. We have so much in common, we like a lot of the same things, we watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music, we have shared experiences. But Scotland's political life has always been more distinctively different from the rest of the UK: we have always been more left-wing/socialist in our outlook. There is a lot of exciting debate coming from the radical left and who knows - this could even lead to the creation of a new political force in our country. Whilst acknowledging there are certain parts of the country which will always vote for other parties, the fact remains that in all my life Scotland has always 'been Labour' and which in the past two Scottish Parliament elections, punished the party for its swing to the right in the rest of the UK. This brought the SNP to power and ultimately gave that party a mandate to hold this infamous referendum.
The decision to choose independence for Scotland is purely based on our right to run our own affairs. It's a chance for Scotland to reinvent itself, to make a fresh start as a progressive country, to create a fair and just society where people are not punished for being poor. As the southern part of the UK dangerously spirals towards an extreme right-wing future and a potential Tory/UKIP coalition, can you blame us for not wanting to be part of that?
The forthcoming referendum has had some positive side-effects. Political apathy took hold of this country a long time ago, so who'd have thought that so many people are getting out there to attend public meetings? I had never been to a political meeting in my life, but recently I attended a public meeting where more relevant points and questions were raised and addressed in one night than you would ever get in a year's worth of televised debates. Finally, people are beginning to take an interest in the future direction of our country. However, when it comes to voting time, I just can't see the majority of my countrymen and women voting yes.
But I have finally made my own decision. In answer to the question: "Should Scotland be an independent country?". I will be voting yes. In the words of John Lennon, Citizen Smith and Molly Smitten-Downes: power to the people.
The countdown
After some rather gloomy previous posts, I thought I'd move on to a bit more positivity now. I have this little whiteboard on my bedroom wall where I'm now doing a little daily countdown to my holiday, and writing my daily fitness goals and ticking them off.
I've been doing quite well over the past couple of weeks. I'm still sticking to Weight Watchers, but my weight loss is very slow. The most important thing for me is to lose a few inches, which is more important than what the scales say. So I have returned to the aerobics routines which I remember from the twice-weekly aerobics classes which I went to at the beginning of the 90s. OK so I may be older and heavier, but I still have the moves :)
Slight but positive changes are beginning to happen. Of course with only a few weeks to go until my holiday, there isn't too much time left to achieve any drastic weight/inch loss - and I don't like that anyway, because in the world of dieting, slow and steady wins the race - but there is enough time to make a difference. Onwards!
I've been doing quite well over the past couple of weeks. I'm still sticking to Weight Watchers, but my weight loss is very slow. The most important thing for me is to lose a few inches, which is more important than what the scales say. So I have returned to the aerobics routines which I remember from the twice-weekly aerobics classes which I went to at the beginning of the 90s. OK so I may be older and heavier, but I still have the moves :)
Slight but positive changes are beginning to happen. Of course with only a few weeks to go until my holiday, there isn't too much time left to achieve any drastic weight/inch loss - and I don't like that anyway, because in the world of dieting, slow and steady wins the race - but there is enough time to make a difference. Onwards!
Ho-ho-no
Regular readers of this blog will be well aware of my ambivalent feelings about Christmas - once it actually comes, I enjoy spending it with my loved ones and of course I enjoy the week off work.
However, the lead-up always feels like someone's got their hands around your neck and squeezing tighter and tighter: the packed shops, the Christmas songs on repeat from October (I feel so sorry for those people working in retail having to suffer all that), the overpriced meals in restaurants, the Christmas lunches/nights out, the forced jollity, the Secret Santas, the pressure which builds and builds due to additional tasks at work, the general view that if you're childless by choice that Christmas is somewhat more worthless for you, need I go on?
But before all that, the first danger signs of the C word appear. Today I read this and became extremely annoyed: http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/lifestyle/u/summer-is-over-retailers-put-christmas-cards-on-the-shelves.1407825651
Summer is a very short season in this country. Can we please, please be allowed to enjoy what's left of it? It's only August. The rain may be back, the temperatures plummeting and the nights are getting darker, but officially it is still summer. We will be in winter soon enough. I've been reading a lot about mindfulness and the importance of living in the moment, yet no-one told that to the retail industry. So we have Easter Eggs and Valentine cards in January, summer clothes appearing in February, winter clothes appearing in August, and months of the pre-Christmas hell. I wish they would stop this acceleration of the seasons. The only exception to this is, of course, Eurovision season! That goes on for months and months, and that's just fine by me :)
However, the lead-up always feels like someone's got their hands around your neck and squeezing tighter and tighter: the packed shops, the Christmas songs on repeat from October (I feel so sorry for those people working in retail having to suffer all that), the overpriced meals in restaurants, the Christmas lunches/nights out, the forced jollity, the Secret Santas, the pressure which builds and builds due to additional tasks at work, the general view that if you're childless by choice that Christmas is somewhat more worthless for you, need I go on?
But before all that, the first danger signs of the C word appear. Today I read this and became extremely annoyed: http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/lifestyle/u/summer-is-over-retailers-put-christmas-cards-on-the-shelves.1407825651
Summer is a very short season in this country. Can we please, please be allowed to enjoy what's left of it? It's only August. The rain may be back, the temperatures plummeting and the nights are getting darker, but officially it is still summer. We will be in winter soon enough. I've been reading a lot about mindfulness and the importance of living in the moment, yet no-one told that to the retail industry. So we have Easter Eggs and Valentine cards in January, summer clothes appearing in February, winter clothes appearing in August, and months of the pre-Christmas hell. I wish they would stop this acceleration of the seasons. The only exception to this is, of course, Eurovision season! That goes on for months and months, and that's just fine by me :)
Monday, 4 August 2014
An open letter to my unwanted, unwelcome guest
NB: To male readers of this blog, you will want to ignore this post. To younger female readers, meet the Ghost of Hormonal Future. To older female readers, some (or all) of this might just be familiar....
You hovered around for a couple of years and caused some minor havoc, before you moved into my life almost a year ago. With your arrival, you immediately banished that other unpleasant and painful monthly visitor. Which admittedly provided some cause for celebration, although this was brief, as you then proceeded to wreck my life in many ways with almost debilitating consequences.
Where there was once a reasonable body temperature, you brought excessive heat and sweating which recently intensified to a stage where it made almost every minute of every day unbearable. 'Hot flushes' does not begin to explain this almost permanent, unpleasant state. Even for this social-phobic, you have made it virtually impossible for me to be in any social situation. Purple is my favourite colour, but a purple face with water pouring out of it is so not a good look.
Where there was once sleep, there has not been a night since your arrival that I have been able to have a full night's sleep, hell no, not when I can wake up at least 5 or 6 times a night.
To a once happy, calm and pleasant person, you have brought depression, anxiety, mood swings, panic attacks, palpitations, irritability, negativity. To a once overweight but reasonably fit and healthy person, you tipped me over the borderline into obesity - what a horrible word, but that's what my BMI is telling me - and you made it so much more difficult to lose this extra weight which was gained so quickly. It is hard to believe now that just 3 years ago I was size 14, my perfect weight and size. That feels like another time and place now.
It's strange now to think that I once looked forward to your arrival: that this would signal the end of one chapter and the beginning of a whole new one. "The change of life", they called it. Well, it was certainly a change, but not for the better. I can't go anywhere without wondering if the temperature will be too hot. Even the beautiful summer temperatures of recent weeks became a strain. And in the winter, my favourite seasonal garments - scarves and jumpers - are now off limits as I can't stand the heat. Every thing I do, every place I go, every decision I make seems to be influenced by you, piling on the misery when I am trying to make the best of life.
Now I hear you telling me that what you have brought me is not an illness, but a natural progression, the end of a hormonal cycle. The one thing we can be sure of is that every woman will go through this. Fine, then, but I have also read that you could be around for up to 10 years, maybe more? How can anyone possibly stand this level of discomfort, day after day? But I'm not going to be beaten. I am a great believer in natural/herbal remedies, and am working my way through all possible options to deal with your impact, and every day I'm trying to find a new way not to let you grind me down. I'm currently fighting you with a fitness regime which hopefully will not only get those extra pounds off, but will also give me the mental and physical strength to cope with the daily challenges you throw at me. It will get better.
You hovered around for a couple of years and caused some minor havoc, before you moved into my life almost a year ago. With your arrival, you immediately banished that other unpleasant and painful monthly visitor. Which admittedly provided some cause for celebration, although this was brief, as you then proceeded to wreck my life in many ways with almost debilitating consequences.
Where there was once a reasonable body temperature, you brought excessive heat and sweating which recently intensified to a stage where it made almost every minute of every day unbearable. 'Hot flushes' does not begin to explain this almost permanent, unpleasant state. Even for this social-phobic, you have made it virtually impossible for me to be in any social situation. Purple is my favourite colour, but a purple face with water pouring out of it is so not a good look.
Where there was once sleep, there has not been a night since your arrival that I have been able to have a full night's sleep, hell no, not when I can wake up at least 5 or 6 times a night.
To a once happy, calm and pleasant person, you have brought depression, anxiety, mood swings, panic attacks, palpitations, irritability, negativity. To a once overweight but reasonably fit and healthy person, you tipped me over the borderline into obesity - what a horrible word, but that's what my BMI is telling me - and you made it so much more difficult to lose this extra weight which was gained so quickly. It is hard to believe now that just 3 years ago I was size 14, my perfect weight and size. That feels like another time and place now.
It's strange now to think that I once looked forward to your arrival: that this would signal the end of one chapter and the beginning of a whole new one. "The change of life", they called it. Well, it was certainly a change, but not for the better. I can't go anywhere without wondering if the temperature will be too hot. Even the beautiful summer temperatures of recent weeks became a strain. And in the winter, my favourite seasonal garments - scarves and jumpers - are now off limits as I can't stand the heat. Every thing I do, every place I go, every decision I make seems to be influenced by you, piling on the misery when I am trying to make the best of life.
Now I hear you telling me that what you have brought me is not an illness, but a natural progression, the end of a hormonal cycle. The one thing we can be sure of is that every woman will go through this. Fine, then, but I have also read that you could be around for up to 10 years, maybe more? How can anyone possibly stand this level of discomfort, day after day? But I'm not going to be beaten. I am a great believer in natural/herbal remedies, and am working my way through all possible options to deal with your impact, and every day I'm trying to find a new way not to let you grind me down. I'm currently fighting you with a fitness regime which hopefully will not only get those extra pounds off, but will also give me the mental and physical strength to cope with the daily challenges you throw at me. It will get better.
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