Weight gain, prolonged grief and thoughts on Mother's Day

Since my good news from a couple of weeks ago of a half-stone weight loss, unfortunately I have been unable to sustain my good work.  There is one good, happy reason why (which I will eventually write about over at EuropeCrazy) but unfortunately my mood has also plummeted over the past week which has resulted in a couple of episodes of binge-eating - and that has been a significant contribution to a weight gain of 3lbs.  Yes, I gained 3lbs, in one week.   Not good news, which caused my mood to plummet further and I now feel trapped in this spiral of weight gain/negative reaction/further weight gain.  Of course there is "always tomorrow", a fresh start and back on the weight-loss wagon.  

It is difficult however when I feel this way.  On the one hand, I feel more in control and in some areas of my life, my confidence seems to be growing, yet I still struggle with crippling anxiety even in the happiest of situations. 

Right now I just feel so lost, and as time goes on I seem to be missing my mum more and more than ever, and it's not getting any better.  I am trying to fight off the possibility of sinking back into yet another depression episode.  I am alive and have so much to be thankful for.  British Summer Time officially started today, which means that we are guaranteed 6 months of more daylight and if we're lucky, a bit of decent weather along with it. 

But I cry a lot these days, especially on Thursdays.  

Thursday nights were always our special night, a kind of unofficial start to the weekend when we would put our feet up, forget the housework, eat cake and watch TV.  My mum passed away on a Thursday, and maybe that is in the back of my mind.  If something bad is going to happen, it will happen on a Thursday.   That recent household emergency - it happened on a Thursday of course.  Or those two buses I waited for, which never arrived and meant that I had over a half-hour wait for transport on a very cold/wet night from the supermarket - why of course, that will happen on a Thursday.   

Today is Mother's Day, although that is not the reason for triggering this post as my mum (and my gran before her) couldn't stand this annual commemoration - they would both say that "every day should be Mother's Day".  That is so true.  So if you are reading this, please treasure every moment spent with your mother.  Yes, there will be times when they will frustrate you, when they will be overbearing and dominant, when they will still treat you like a child even when you are well into adulthood.  But there will come a time when they will no longer be there.  And that will hurt like no other pain that you can imagine.  

Seven!!!!

Having a little Len Goodman moment here (!) but there is a very good reason for it....I weighed-in today (instead of my usual Friday) to discover the very pleasant news that I lost another 1lb this past week which means that I have lost half a stone in total since rejoining Slimming World Online at the beginning of February 2017.  It's worth noting that the weight loss has been through dieting alone, as I haven't been able to exercise due to the combination of knee pain and a very busy schedule.  In the past I have struggled to achieve any significant weight loss without exercise, so this is a major achievement for me and I am very happy with it.  

The plan has been hard work as over the past weeks, I've spent more time in the kitchen preparing lunches and dinners rather than going for the easy option: however when you see results on the scale it's all worth it.  

To make the plan more achievable I have split it into 'mini-goals'.  As I have achieved the first one, I'm going to give myself a little break and take a couple of weeks off, then "part 2" will start, in which I will try to lose yet another 7lbs.  That is going to be a big challenge, but I'm planning the reintroduction of exercise in order to speed the weight loss along.

In the meantime, I went for a very enjoyable ("non-diet"!) lunch with my friend today, which was lovely :)

Staying the same, and shopping till I drop

Not much to report on this week's Slimming World update.  I decided to take a week out of counting and tracking for a couple of reasons, I've been feeling a bit stressed and low lately, so I thought I'd take a little break from the dieting over the past week.

On Friday when I did my weigh-in, I expected to have gained weight but in fact I had stayed the same this week.  Very happy about this as I did have a few treats including a delicious Indian meal at the weekend with faithful travelling companion, my yummy home-made macaroni cheese and 'real' chips on my day off on Tuesday, and also a lunchtime trip to the local chippy for fritters on Thursday!!

However it is time to get back on the plan from today onwards, I have a couple of mini-goals I'd like to reach in over the next couple of months and the way things are going, these would seem to be achievable.

In other news, it had been a long, long time since I had a 'retail therapy day'.  Clothes shopping used to be fun, but as the weight piled on, stone by stone, it became a depressing chore.  Having lost 6lbs in recent weeks though, I decided to have a clothes shopping day yesterday.  It turned out to be a very pleasant experience and I bought some nice new clothes for the first time in ages, including this nice blouse from Peacocks.

All in all, a very good day, and more motivation to keep on going with the weight loss plan.

Still no news to report on our spring holiday: despite having a definite plan in place, there are still a number of uncertainties around and it may well be that we go for something different after all. Which gives me the perfect excuse for more holiday research!

...and four is the magic number!

After last week's low mood and weight gain blip, this past week saw an improvement in my mood, renewed enthusiasm for dieting, and a shocking/surprising result in my Friday weigh-in.

I lost 4lbs this week!  Now I am very happy about that but yes, shocked and surprised as I don't usually achieve that kind of result from dieting alone.  However, exercise isn't happening just now thanks to my very dodgy knees :)  I have lost a total of 6lbs in 3 weeks and I'm delighted with this.  

Anyway that was the good news, but the last few days haven't been too great either as I had a bit of an emergency at home which kind of ruined Thursday and Friday.  It's sorted now, but has caused an unexpected upheaval and I've been feeling a bit stressed as a result.  Therefore, I decided to take it very easy this weekend and get some much-needed chillout time.  I also took a couple of days off the diet, (but crucially there has been no binge-eating) so I'll have to work a bit harder this week, starting tomorrow!

Sad in the middle of happy

Hello again.  It's been quite a strange couple of weeks all in all.  After gaining a ridiculous amount of weight within a very short period, I decided to take the big step and rejoin Slimming World Online.  I managed to find the motivation to really put in the effort in my first week, which was rewarded with a 3lb loss.  Week 2 was more of a challenge, thanks to a mix of happy events (which meant eating out) but also a dip in my mood, out of the blue and for no reason, which has impacted on my good work. And in a demoralising end to week 2, I gained 1lb.

Apart from my holiday months of May and September, the period between late January and mid-May is probably my favourite time of the year.  National finals/Eurovision season is in full swing and there is that extra "buzz".  Unfortunately though I have recently hit a slump and last week I just felt so sad, and I can't explain why.  It's not work or my personal life, both of which are very happy and settled. Is "the dieting" maybe messing with my mind again, as it did before (in different times)? But there is also the tiredness/fatigue which I experience from time to time, and my poor fitness levels.

Still, it's a marathon, not a sprint.  However it would be nice to lose a few pounds and reacquaint myself with the 95% of the clothing in my wardrobe which has been out of bounds for the last couple of years whilst my weight seemed to soar.

My mood has lifted over the past couple of days though, and it's onwards into week 3 towards Friday's weigh-in.  I have meal-planned for the week and written it all in my book so here's hoping that I'll be losing instead of gaining by the time Friday comes around.

Christmas Challenge 2015: Week 1 weigh-in

So after restarting Slimming World, and being a very good girl and tracking all my syns, I had high hopes for a decent weight loss this week.

Well, I did lose weight - but only 1lb.  Still I'm not complaining - if this continues over the next few weeks I'd lose half a stone for Christmas - and if I was lucky enough to lose 1lb every week for the next 6 months, I'd almost be back to my target weight. So it's onwards into week 2, with a big focus on exercise this week.  I have no energy at all at the moment, so that really needs to change.

EuropeCrazy's World Of Slimming: Week 12 weigh-in

Forgot to post this yesterday - just a quick post to say that I lost 1lb this week.  Normally I would be delighted with that result, but I felt quite disappointed as I expected more from the combination of following the diet + very punishing fitness regime.  Oh well....onwards :)

EuropeCrazy's World Of Slimming: Week 11 weigh-in

Took a week off weighing in and fell a bit spectacularly off the wagon.  I know I wasn't going to weigh myself for 2 weeks but stepped on the scales this morning and discovered I'd gained 1lb.  I had a 'retail therapy' day off during the week, but forgot just how unforgiving those fitting room mirrors in Next can be!  

Regular readers of this blog will have lost count of the amount of times that drastic measures were required, but I'm at that point yet again.  I already have a lot of fitness equipment at home, but have purchased another couple of fitness-related things and have written up a structured exercise plan for the next few weeks, along with strictly sticking to the Slimming World plan.  I really need to boost my energy for this holiday and for the months ahead

It is very hard to lose weight when you're not in a good place, but my mood has picked up over the past few days so I'm now really focused on making progress.  It's now or never :)

EuropeCrazy's World Of Slimming: Week 9 weigh-in

Despite a couple of heavy falls off the dieting wagon this week, I was generally quite well-behaved and got a lot of exercise in, resulting in a loss of  another 1½ lbs this week. I'm quite happy with that, although need to step it up a gear or two in the next few weeks so that I can fit into my holiday clothes.

EDIT: I've decided to take a couple of weeks off the weigh-ins.  Going through a bad time at the moment and could do without the added pressure of trying to lose weight every week.  Therefore the next weigh-in will take place on 30th August.

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 8 weigh-in

Despite being more "blunderwoman" than "Wonder Woman" this week, as I battled some painful injuries which prevented me from getting on with the exercise regime, I was reasonably well-behaved (apart from a couple of disappointing crisp-eating binges), and stuck to the healthy eating.  I was also able to get on the exercise bike for short periods so all was not lost.

I've lost 1½ lbs this week, which is a very satisfactory result.  I've also been food-planning for the week ahead so that combined with exercise should hopefully ensure another good result next Sunday - but I need to stick to the plan!

Total weight loss since start of plan: 2½ lbs
Total BMI reduction since start of plan: 0.5

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 7 weigh-in

I gained 4lbs this week.

That's right, 4lbs.  But it was inevitable, as I fell into the trap of emotional eating to deal with life after mum's death.

This time last week, I had planned to get back on the fitness regime but that was easier said than done. So I have undone practically all my good efforts.  Time to start again.

Total weight loss since start of plan: 1lb
Total BMI reduction since start of plan: 0.2

I have decided to keep this going until December so have a little while yet to turn things around.

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 6 weigh-in

Surprisingly my weight stayed the same this week.

It has been a really tough week emotionally and physically, You can't follow a diet when you're struggling to cope with the constant pain of grief and emptiness. Unfortunately I have been binge eating, snacking and craving the "wrong" foods. But that's just emotional eating, and that's what I do when things get too much.  

I am sensible enough to know that this way of dealing with a situation can't go on, particularly because my binge-eating spiralled out of control over the past year, sending my mental health into freefall.  If anything, I owe it to mum to keep myself mentally and physically fit, so for that reason I am going to start working on my fitness as from this week and get back to the eating plan. 

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 5 weigh-in

It will come as no surprise to learn that I have not been sticking to my plan.  After being unable to eat very much over the past two weeks, my appetite finally returned.  In recent days I haven't been following the healthiest diet ever.  "Comfort eating" always seems to be my default response to bad times.  So it was also no surprise to learn that I had gained 1lb this week.

From tomorrow onwards I will attempt to return to a healthy eating and fitness regime.  I just need to find the motivation to get there.

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 4 weigh-in

With everything that has happened this week, slimming has been the very least of my priorities.  But life has to go on, and so it is time for my weekly weigh-in.

I have lost 1½ lbs this week, bringing my total weight loss to 6½ lbs in 4 weeks.  I would probably attribute this week's weight loss to not really eating very much at all; apart from everything else,  I am still slowly recovering from that nasty chest infection and my appetite has not yet returned to normal.

BMI reduction this week: 0.2
Total BMI reduction so far: 1.1

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 3 weigh-in

I had looked forward hto my week off and had planned lots of things to do, and goodies to eat!  At the beginning of the week though, I took a very sore throat which turned into what I initially thought was just a cold, but then went into one of those horrible virus-infection-things, leaving me with a horrendous and constant cough, no energy at all and a complete lack of appetite.  I was very annoyed at the timing of this, as the very same thing happened to me over Christmas, but at least I was off work and was able to sleep when I wanted to, which was very often.  Especially as the coughing fits completely blew my sleep routine to pieces.

Although I have a little more energy, I'm still a long way from feeling well and am worried how I'll cope tomorrow when I have to go back to work.  My colleagues will probably need earplugs to cope with the volume and extent of the coughing fits.

But I digress.  There is a weigh-in to be done today, and this morning the scales revealed that...

I've lost 2lbs this week!  Which is great news, although I'm never happy when weight loss is due to illness/loss of appetite.  However I won't refuse a 2lb weight loss!  Added to the previous 3lbs, this makes a total weight loss of 5lbs over the past 3 weeks.  That might not seem like much to some, but it's a lot to me as I really struggle to lose weight.  And as my friends keep telling me "it gets harder to lose weight when you get older" (thanks for that!) so it's an even bigger achievement.  So far so good!

BMI reduction this week: 0.4
Total BMI reduction so far: 0.9

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 2 weigh-in

I just realised that I forgot to post this last week.  After my very successful first week I persevered and stuck to the plan, so was very disappointed to discover that I hadn't lost anything at all last week and had stayed the same.  Or as Slimming World reassured me, I had 'maintained' my weight loss which I suppose is putting a positive spin on it.

Anyway it was onwards to another week.  The original plan for this past week was to take a break from my slimming plan as I was having a week's holiday off work, what has become my annual June 'staycation'.  Events were to take a nasty turn however...

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming: Week 1 weigh-in

Weight loss: 3lbs
BMI reduction: 0.5

What a week that was.  My first week on Slimming World turned out to be a fascinating journey of discovery into a new world of free foods, healthy extras and syns.  And by the time I stepped on the scales this morning, I discovered that I had lost 3lbs in my first week!  That may not sound much when you hear about people losing 7lbs in a week, but it's a gigantic achievement for me and I'm delighted with it.  I've also had a lot of unrelated pain and fatigue this past week which has prevented me from doing much walking or exercise (and three days of extremely hot weather didn't help), so to lose all that weight by following the plan on its own makes it even more of a successful result.

It has been very easy to follow the plan as many of the foods which I already eat are termed 'free' foods, and the 'syn' values mean that I've pretty much wiped out my crisps addiction too.

Being very realistic I know that I'm probably not going to achieve that kind of loss every week, but I will be very happy with every pound I lose.  

Now I'm off to the kitchen to make a batch of some home-made soups for this week's lunches....

EuropeCrazy's World of Slimming!

So I haven't quite mastered total internet detox, and there hasn't been enough hours in the day to get those outstanding blog posts done. I have also hurt my back in a freak injury over the past week so mobility's a challenge and exercise is out :(

I do have some news though: I've only gone and joined Slimming World. Drastic measures are called for, and I've seen a lot of people doing very well on it, so on the spur of the moment I decided to sign up for the online version of this very popular weight-loss plan.  Going to a class will never be my thing, especially when it comes to weight loss, so I'm sticking to online tracking.

I'm doing this initially for 3 months although if it's successful I may just continue for a further 3 months in the lead-up to Christmas.  It's quite a different concept, all those "free foods", many of which are my favourites anyway.  And as for the "syns"....well this could finally help me to kick my crisp addiction for good.

Today I went supermarket shopping for fresh foods and other staples which will form the basis of some cooked-from-scratch treats.  They may all have been "free foods" on SW but definitely not free when it came to the till (lol!) Slimming is a costly business isn't it!  Perhaps all those who persistently moan about this country's OBESITY TIMEBOMB! should be lobbying for a reduction in the price of healthy food.  Especially fruit.  The price of fruit - particularly my favourite strawberries, raspberries and blackberries - is outrageous.

Anyway after spending hours last night familiarising myself with the whole Slimming World concept, I'm still amazed that people can still eat all that stuff and lose weight.  Will I be one of those people?  Can a menopausal woman with a shoddy metabolism succeed on this plan?  Well, I will just need to stick to the plan and get on with it!  More to follow....