Weight gain, prolonged grief and thoughts on Mother's Day

Since my good news from a couple of weeks ago of a half-stone weight loss, unfortunately I have been unable to sustain my good work.  There is one good, happy reason why (which I will eventually write about over at EuropeCrazy) but unfortunately my mood has also plummeted over the past week which has resulted in a couple of episodes of binge-eating - and that has been a significant contribution to a weight gain of 3lbs.  Yes, I gained 3lbs, in one week.   Not good news, which caused my mood to plummet further and I now feel trapped in this spiral of weight gain/negative reaction/further weight gain.  Of course there is "always tomorrow", a fresh start and back on the weight-loss wagon.  

It is difficult however when I feel this way.  On the one hand, I feel more in control and in some areas of my life, my confidence seems to be growing, yet I still struggle with crippling anxiety even in the happiest of situations. 

Right now I just feel so lost, and as time goes on I seem to be missing my mum more and more than ever, and it's not getting any better.  I am trying to fight off the possibility of sinking back into yet another depression episode.  I am alive and have so much to be thankful for.  British Summer Time officially started today, which means that we are guaranteed 6 months of more daylight and if we're lucky, a bit of decent weather along with it. 

But I cry a lot these days, especially on Thursdays.  

Thursday nights were always our special night, a kind of unofficial start to the weekend when we would put our feet up, forget the housework, eat cake and watch TV.  My mum passed away on a Thursday, and maybe that is in the back of my mind.  If something bad is going to happen, it will happen on a Thursday.   That recent household emergency - it happened on a Thursday of course.  Or those two buses I waited for, which never arrived and meant that I had over a half-hour wait for transport on a very cold/wet night from the supermarket - why of course, that will happen on a Thursday.   

Today is Mother's Day, although that is not the reason for triggering this post as my mum (and my gran before her) couldn't stand this annual commemoration - they would both say that "every day should be Mother's Day".  That is so true.  So if you are reading this, please treasure every moment spent with your mother.  Yes, there will be times when they will frustrate you, when they will be overbearing and dominant, when they will still treat you like a child even when you are well into adulthood.  But there will come a time when they will no longer be there.  And that will hurt like no other pain that you can imagine.  

Baby, baby.....

For a non-parent, I am still fascinated by the annual list of most popular baby names.  So needless to say that I was very interested to read the latest list of the most popular first names for babies in Scotland over the past year.  (Full info at https://www.nrscotland.gov.uk/statistics-and-data/statistics/statistics-by-theme/vital-events/names/babies-first-names/babies-first-names-2016/list-of-detailed-tables)

There are no drastic changes:

Top 25 Boys

1 .Jack   2.James   3 Oliver   4. Lewis   5. Logan   6. Harry 7. Noah 8. Leo   9. Charlie 10. Alexander 11. Jacob/ Lucas 13. Harris  14. Mason  15.Alfie/Finlay  17. Ethan   18. Daniel  19.Aaron    20. Max 21 Archie   22. Thomas   23. Matthew   24. Adam   25. Rory 

Top 25 Girls

1.  Olivia   2. Emily   3. Sophie   4. Isla   5. Ava   6. Amelia   7. Jessica   8. Ella   9. Lucy   10. Charlotte 11.Aria   12. Ellie/Lily 14. Freya   15. Grace   16. Sophia   17. Chloe   18. Evie  19. Emma/ Millie   21. Eilidh   22. Mia   23. Anna   24. Eva   25. Hannah

And just like every other recent year, Laura is nowhere to be seen ....! :(

Thoughts from my day off

I have been off work today, as per my current working pattern where I work the same hours per fortnight, only over 9 longer days which therefore entitles me to a day off every fortnight.  It is a most wonderful thing, I have to say, and here's hoping that it becomes a more permanent arrangement, all being well.  I have now been doing this for 4 months and at times I have felt that my day off's been all work and no play, so I made sure that today would be a more leisurely one, where I stayed at home, took it easy, chilled out, listened to music, and put some research into future holiday destinations.  So it's been a big success!

May usually means spring holiday time, which means that exciting things are imminent....of course I will be writing about our spring holiday over at EuropeCrazy.  Although there was initially a plan for our spring holiday, alternatives are also being considered therefore at this point I really can't say where we are going, because I genuinely don't know... It could be somewhere old, or somewhere new, or the combination of an old country with a new destination.  It could be anywhere.....more to follow!

Over the past 24 hours I've been coming to terms with the possibility of another Scottish independence referendum, as proposed yesterday by Scotland's First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. I have already heard many negative thoughts about it, but in my own view I think it's worth another try.  The outcome of the 'Brexit' referendum revealed very distinctive differences across the UK and I think that many of us in this part of the world do not relate to the rather negative views which emerged from much of that referendum campaign.  Before you ask, I am not a 'Scottish Nationalist' but in the last referendum I clearly examined every argument in detail and formed my own opinion, going from a definite no to yes, for the reason that I felt that we could build a very different, progressive, compassionate and inclusive nation.   However I also respect and acknowledge the views of those who chose to remain in the UK; for there were many unresolved questions/issues which will no doubt raise their ugly head again in the referendum campaign and will still need answered.  My own view, however, has not changed; I will vote yes again, because I think it's time for self-determination.  I know many other people who voted 'no' in 2014 but who would definitely vote 'yes' this time round....but I know many, many others who are much more determined to vote 'no' so it's going to be a bumpy road ahead....

Seven!!!!

Having a little Len Goodman moment here (!) but there is a very good reason for it....I weighed-in today (instead of my usual Friday) to discover the very pleasant news that I lost another 1lb this past week which means that I have lost half a stone in total since rejoining Slimming World Online at the beginning of February 2017.  It's worth noting that the weight loss has been through dieting alone, as I haven't been able to exercise due to the combination of knee pain and a very busy schedule.  In the past I have struggled to achieve any significant weight loss without exercise, so this is a major achievement for me and I am very happy with it.  

The plan has been hard work as over the past weeks, I've spent more time in the kitchen preparing lunches and dinners rather than going for the easy option: however when you see results on the scale it's all worth it.  

To make the plan more achievable I have split it into 'mini-goals'.  As I have achieved the first one, I'm going to give myself a little break and take a couple of weeks off, then "part 2" will start, in which I will try to lose yet another 7lbs.  That is going to be a big challenge, but I'm planning the reintroduction of exercise in order to speed the weight loss along.

In the meantime, I went for a very enjoyable ("non-diet"!) lunch with my friend today, which was lovely :)

Staying the same, and shopping till I drop

Not much to report on this week's Slimming World update.  I decided to take a week out of counting and tracking for a couple of reasons, I've been feeling a bit stressed and low lately, so I thought I'd take a little break from the dieting over the past week.

On Friday when I did my weigh-in, I expected to have gained weight but in fact I had stayed the same this week.  Very happy about this as I did have a few treats including a delicious Indian meal at the weekend with faithful travelling companion, my yummy home-made macaroni cheese and 'real' chips on my day off on Tuesday, and also a lunchtime trip to the local chippy for fritters on Thursday!!

However it is time to get back on the plan from today onwards, I have a couple of mini-goals I'd like to reach in over the next couple of months and the way things are going, these would seem to be achievable.

In other news, it had been a long, long time since I had a 'retail therapy day'.  Clothes shopping used to be fun, but as the weight piled on, stone by stone, it became a depressing chore.  Having lost 6lbs in recent weeks though, I decided to have a clothes shopping day yesterday.  It turned out to be a very pleasant experience and I bought some nice new clothes for the first time in ages, including this nice blouse from Peacocks.

All in all, a very good day, and more motivation to keep on going with the weight loss plan.

Still no news to report on our spring holiday: despite having a definite plan in place, there are still a number of uncertainties around and it may well be that we go for something different after all. Which gives me the perfect excuse for more holiday research!