The summer of aches and pains

After two quite frankly terrible summers in 2015 and 2016 I had hoped that this one might just be a bit better.  Don't get me wrong, there have been highlights: two holidays in near quick succession in May (cruise) and June (Italy) definitely lifted our spirits. 

However, since the beginning of May I have had a throat infection and leftovers which just wouldn't go away; then more recently there was an accident which I don't want to go into detail about but suffice to say there have been some nasty injuries which it will take some time to recover from.  Then in two other unrelated incidents I have sustained back and shoulder injuries, the latter being a repeat of the one I had just over a year ago which forced me to quit the gym.  

As I am unable to exercise, my physical health has gone into yet another downward spiral. Feeling exhausted and just living for sleep right now.  Although even that's a struggle as I am still in so much pain.

I had managed to lose a bit of weight after the cruise but due to everything that's happened since, and of course going on another holiday and enjoying all that lovely food, meant that it's all piled back on. Oh well, never mind.  The main priority right now is overcoming all these aches and pains and once that happens, I can focus on getting fit again and losing a bit of weight.  Dieting is still off the agenda!  

In spite of how I've been feeling lately, my mood is pretty good, although the past week has been rather stressful.  My thinking has shifted from anxiety about what I can't do (e.g. my house once had a back garden, now it is a jungle), to just taking care of myself and exercising the maximum self-compassion.  Which is all you need,  Particularly on a day like today, as I'll explain in the next post. 

Year of change (part 2)

Just as a follow-up to that last post: over the last two weeks, I made some very radical changes to the living room - every piece of furniture disappeared, either to charity shops or to be uplifted by the council.  Seven days ago, my new sofa and chair arrived - very comfortable they are too! - and a few days later they were joined by new sideboards and cabinets and a new fireside rug.  It has been a very hectic few weeks and the upheaval almost matched that of moving house :( and as for painting and decorating the staircase, well this was much more challenging than I'd imagined.

However it's only the beginning and there is so much more to do, but I'm taking a well-earned rest for the next week or two before picking up the paintbrushes once again.

As I said in the last post, it's a year of change.  And some of these changes have been very drastic and sudden, with some unexpected results.  Things have happened to other people and this has left me feeling a bit shocked and sad, and disappointed.  I have so many feelings running around my head about that whole situation, I can't really write about them here, but suffice to say that I'm trying to come to terms with some big changes in my daily life.  I guess you can't really change things which are outwith your control, but I just need to find some new strategies to deal with new situations, or at least to carry on with the calm attitude which got me through recent weeks.

One very positive change in my life has been the opportunity to rebuild some family relationships, and that seems to be going well.

But overall, at the moment, all I feel is exhaustion from that very busy start to the year, and right now I feel a bit sadder than I've been in a while.  But it will pass.

An ill week, a happy day, and finally cracking Christmas

If this blog is turning into a rather gloom-laden place then please accept my apologies; rest assured that I want to take it in a more upward direction in the weeks and months to come.

But the past seven days have been an extremely miserable place as last Thursday I fell victim to yet another horrible viral infection, a very similar one to that which I had in June, which had its usual 'leftovers' which left me struggling to get through the week, battling a constant cough as well as the usual sinus hell which these things always leave me with.  As if that wasn't bad enough, my eyes decided to come out in sympathy on Monday. So we can add conjunctivitis to an already growing ailment list.  On a totally shallow note, the worst thing about the eye infection was that I had to go eye make-up free to work for two whole days.  The horror of it! :))  My boss, who I can also luckily call my great friend, had a good chuckle at my predicament, but then she can get away with anything!!

Today I woke up and the red-eye was gone.  Normal Laura was resumed, my trademark eyeliner and mascara back on, and if I can just shake off this horrible post-viral cough all will be well once more. The down-side of the past week has been a loss of appetite and struggling to eat, which is definitely not like me!

For various other reasons, today was a very good day.  I won't go into all of it, as it involves other people whose privacy will remain private, but their happy news made me very happy too.  I also had a brilliant trip to the theatre today, review to turn up eventually (definitely before Christmas) over at EuropeCrazy.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm finally cracking Christmas.  The whole Christmas card writing, and accompanying letters which I always send at this time of year, has turned out to be more therapeutic than I first thought.  I am triggering/grasping opportunities to re-establish broken family links because life is too short and I'm quite frankly fed up of meeting people only at funerals rather than on happier/normal occasions.  I don't know where it's all going but at least I can say that I tried :)

December thoughts

Regular readers of this blog won't fail to have noticed my numerous attempts at trying to lose weight and get fit, whether via an official plan or doing my own thing.

Over recent weeks I've been doing a bit of stocktaking of my life: the things I want or need to change, and also recognising the things which hold me back, particularly through the dark and cold winter months.  I came to the conclusion that I don't need the additional stress of tracking everything I eat and weighing myself every week, especially when I'm in the midst of fluctuating emotions whilst dealing with the winter months - always a danger point for my mental health, and when you pile on the big post-bereavement milestone: Christmas, then something has to be done.

So I have decided to ditch "the dieting", not just for the moment, but for good.  For it is just one more stress I can do without.  Sometimes a little thing is the tipping point for a big decision.  In my case it was a workmate's birthday recently, when there was some delicious home-made cake on the go.  (One of my friends/colleagues is a fabulous baker and she also baked a cake when it was my birthday).  Suddenly I went into "dieting mode" and initially declined the cake.  But then something happened.  For at that moment I decided - why not?  My most successful non-official-dieting phases have resulted from a combination of moderation and exercise.  When I could have my cake and eat it.

The kind of low I'm experiencing now is different from this time last year: where last year was damaging and dangerous at least I had mum.  Now, all I feel is emptiness and a sense of going through the motions every day.  It's as if my feelings and emotions have been ripped out.  It's only when I'm with faithful travelling companion that I'm brought back to life.

Strangely enough, I seem to have morphed into the 'old me' at work, the person who used to be quite upbeat and chirpy. That's maybe just my way of repaying the kindness which everyone has shown me over the last 5 months, and maybe just my way of dealing with day-to-day life.

I had a day off work today and put up the Christmas tree.  Mum was very particular about how the lights were put on the tree, and how the baubles were arranged.  Well, there may have been a slight dip in quality control (and sorry mum, but there's probably a million things I can do better than putting lights on a tree) but hopefully she'll have approved.

We don't have a 'colour scheme' and some of the baubles even date back to the 70s and 80s (yes!) but it will always be "our" tree. Things won't really change this Christmas.  Like mum, I was never really into having a lot of decorations up, so apart from the tree there's only a few little ornaments around the fireplace, including mum's favourite little wind-up snow globe (below) which plays "White Christmas".

The next big task will be sorting out the Christmas card list, something which was always mum's "job" so I'm not really looking forward to it.  At least the cards and stamps are bought.  I've been pretty organised this year and concluded the Christmas shopping by the end of November.

In between all this festive planning, I am looking to the future.  Over recent weeks I started doing up the house, and this will continue in the coming months. Last week I went sofa shopping with successful results - so it will be out with the completely uncomfortable three-piece suite and in with a very comfy sofa and chair in the next 3 months or so.  New furniture and carpets will be purchased, and there is a lot of painting to be done.  So I'll need to keep myself fit for all this hard work ahead. Which brings me back to my original topic.  Without the pressure of counting, tracking and weighing, I might even enjoy the rest of the winter, with the freedom to eat more of what I want (in moderation of course), but upping the exercise as it will be "time to start paying - in sweat!!"

Small moments

I meant to blog last week but it's been a very busy week (apart from those outrageously lazy times). My birthday turned out to be a very special occasion.  I'm always at work on my birthday, apart from when it falls at weekends.  All my friends and colleagues at work made it a very special day.  It's as if I could feel this silent acknowledgement that my non-milestone birthday was to be just that bit more special this year than usual, after these horrible few months.  What a happy day I had, with lots of lovely gifts, beautiful cards and kind wishes.  

Of course it goes without saying that faithful travelling companion played a huge role in giving me a very happy birthday! :)

I've decided to throw myself into some major (and long overdue) painting, decorating and home improvement over the next few months, which will provide a major interest/distraction - not to mention some very hard work as I do all my own painting and decorating!  

It's now 14 weeks since I lost my mum.  And it is the small moments which continue to rip me to shreds.  Today my friend went to our GP for her flu vaccination.  And then it hit me hard.  This is October.  This is the month, possibly the week, when I should be taking mum to the doctor's for her flu jab.  But I'm not.  

I have never cried at work since mum died, but today I came pretty close, just because of that small moment.  And when those small moments happen it's like the world crashes to a halt.  But then it starts again, and I hear her voice telling me to get on with life again. 

Milestones

My year seems to be marked out by milestones.  Eurovision season.  Our May spring break.  Our September holiday.  My birthday.  The flu jab.  The inevitable gloom of October to December, and so on.

We have just returned from a fabulous holiday in Mallorca, and I fully intend to publish my holiday diaries over at EuropeCrazy within the next couple of weeks.  Anyway the next milestone is my birthday, this coming Wednesday.  Unfortunately my return to work (after my traditional 2 week September holiday break) comes just before my birthday - I need to get that right one of these years, as everyone seems to take their birthday off :)

It's not a big birthday, but it's a milestone nonetheless.  For it will be my first birthday without my mum.  And even though she didn't make a big thing of birthdays (and Mother's Day was deemed a non-event, as per both mum and gran) I am anticipating that Wednesday is going to be a day of very mixed emotions.

Dark days

Out of the blue, and unexpectedly, my mum was admitted to hospital again yesterday. There's a number of different things wrong with her, but all I will say is that she is very ill at the moment.  In that situation, every little glimmer of hope is grabbed with both hands; whether it's tiny improvements in a blood test, or little moves of the arm and leg, or the tiniest little bit of mumbling....every one is an achievement.

During my visit to hospital earlier today, she suddenly became conscious, opened her eyes and said hello to me, and that was probably one of the happiest moments of my life.  She is very weak and frail, but she is also one hell of a fighter, as previous illnesses have proved.

She has received terrific care from everyone in the hospital since she arrived, which gives me great hope for her recovery.  I am going back to visit her tonight and can't wait to see her again.  This house is such an empty (and quieter) place without her around :(

EDIT: I visited tonight, and there was no change....if anything, there was more cause for concern than this afternoon, but at least she did become more conscious towards the end of our visit and there were even a couple of funny moments.  But my heart feels so heavy right now as she is not getting any better....

The storm after the calm

I have had enough of certain situations which have basically f***** my life up.

No more will they wreck my happiness.
No more will they rewrite history and forget everything good that I have ever done.
No more will they undermine or destroy me.
No more will they make me feel inadequate or stop me from believing in my own worth.

No more of it.

As I said over on Twitter a few hours ago, I'm particularly angry with myself because I have allowed all this crap to sidetrack me from the things which always make me happy at this time of year: my holiday preparations and the lead-up to Eurovision week.  I have focused my attentions on all the negative aspects of my life at the expense of the people and things I love.

As they say in the movies, "enough already!".

But words can't describe just how bloody angry I am.  And not with myself.  Yet anger is not my default emotion: people always describe me as "nice" as if I am not allowed to have any other aspect of my personality on show.  But right now I'm angry.  And that anger will only subside if there is acceptance of who I am and what I do.  But that seems to be a long way off :(

Thoughts on friendship

Throughout my childhood and adult life I have always found it difficult to make friends, for the sole reason that I have always been introverted, quiet and shy, and that seems to be a problem for some people to deal with.   Yet I have been lucky enough to enjoy an enduring friendship with three other wonderful women, which has lasted over 20 years and continues to this day.  We initially met as work colleagues and formed our own little group in response to being left out of the 'cliques' which often seem to characterise workplace friendships.

My friends, who are a bit older than I am, are all retired now but we all continue to meet up for lunch or coffee. The other week, when we were fortunate enough to experience that rare thing called 'good weather', we all met up on my day off and enjoyed a very special lunch out in 'the country'.  I had such a happy time that day, being with "the girls".  They accept me for who I am, and have been there for me in good and bad times.   That is the nature of true friendship. 

This week I had to come to terms with the end of another long-lasting friendship, a casualty of the fall-out from my 'breakdown' (for want of a better word).  The past few months have been an extremely hurtful time, of mistakes, misunderstandings, misconceptions and mistrust.  I'm no longer relentlessly cheerful, and I'm no longer going to smile just because people expect me to.  But I am trying to move on, and being the typical Libran I am trying to make peace with those whom I may have hurt.  But what they don't realise is that I am hurting too.

EDIT: just when everything seemed dark and impossible to overcome, things started to change.  I went on holiday and came back free of the darkness which had overwhelmed me over recent months. And that friendship is back on, so all is well :)

Eclipsed

(above picture courtesy of the European Space Agency)

You would have to reside on Mars not to have known that this morning, there was a total or partial solar eclipse going on, depending on which part of Northern Europe you were either (a) residing in or (b) spent wads of cash to go on holiday to sleep in a tent in the snow.  Svalbard and the Faroe Islands were seemingly the place to be; however there was to be disappointment in some parts of the UK due to cloudy skies.  

Up here in Scotland meantime, the skies darkened in more of a dusky rather than a 'totality' kind of way, despite Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" apparently trending on Twitter - she hasn't had this much attention since her Eurovision appearance! - and the whole experience turned out to be a bit of a damp squib, mainly due to the unavailability of those all-important glasses.  Despite a few enthusiastic colleagues trying to jolly us all into going outside for the big event, I decided to give it a miss this time round.  Getting in touch with my 'health and safety' side (a rarity!!) I didn't think it was worth the risk to look up at the sky!

Of course it was probably the missed opportunity of missed opportunities, as there won't be another one for another 75 years and we'll all be long gone by then. 

Meanwhile I am quite happy to keep my memories of the last solar eclipse which took place in 1999. We had only been in our new office for a few months when the big event took place.  In those more carefree times it was also easier to get your hands on the eclipse glasses, as magazines and newspapers were giving them away more readily in those days.  So I was well equipped for the eclipse on that August morning, and it didn't disappoint.  There are very few people left in my office who were there on that fateful day, and even less who remember it.  But I do, and that memory will be sufficient for me.  

Taking stock

Beginning the third month of the first quarter of 2015, and only three weeks away from the start of British Summer Time - yes! - although that feels like a long way off, as it's just been bitterly cold for weeks, and thanks to that very chilly wind it feels even colder than it was at the beginning of the year.  I guess that's nothing though, compared to the outrageously cold winter weather which affects many countries at this time of year.  

My last post on here was pretty hopeful: I'm settled into my part-time working routine and making it count as I'm continuing to tackle the decluttering and neglected jobs at home, and even found myself in the garden yesterday!  

Unfortunately my fitness regime crashed after about a week: I pulled a muscle in my back/shoulder area after carrying some very heavy shopping and was in a lot of pain for a while.  And then a lot of other stuff in my life just spiralled out of control over the last fortnight, with the result that the fitness plan was replaced by binge/emotional eating yet again to cope with it all. I don't really want to write about all that stuff, suffice to say that the strain of the past couple of weeks has left me feeling upset and exhausted and I just want to get my life back on track again.

Anyway, some good news as faithful travelling companion and I are now planning our spring holiday (expect an announcement in the next couple of weeks) so this will be my target to get fit and shed a few pounds.  What I am most looking forward to is improving my walking fitness, and not feeling so tired/lethargic all the time.  I have a mountain of draft blog posts to finish/post but have been too tired lately, so I will get round to posting them eventually :)

In the meantime, there's an exercise bike calling my name....

So that was January...

At the end of that horrible nightmare which was 2014, I decided to throw that year in the dustbin and start 2015 with a blank sheet.  2015 already seems to be an improvement on 2014.

The best thing of all was that I started working part-time.  It immediately had a great impact on my mood, mental health and home life.  Long-neglected tasks are now being seen to at home, I'm managing my day to day work more effectively, it's all good so far.  It's my day off today, so I've had a lie-in! I'm typing this blog post and catching up with a few jobs at home. 

I guess the only down side is the financial aspect, as the pay cut has forced me to do some serious budgeting. However there comes a time when you realise that there are other important priorities, and I'm quite happy as long as I have enough to live on and save up for holidays of course!

I have had to make some big sacrifices in other areas, cutting unnecessary spending and stepping up bargain hunting to a new level.  I used to be a compulsive shopper but this habit has now been well and truly curbed!

Last year I gained just over two stones in weight in the space of 9 months.  That's a pretty frightening statistic, but I didn't feel that it was the right time to throw myself into a fitness regime until a few days ago.  Hello again to the exercise bike, weights, mini stepper and walking to and from work.  I'm beginning to feel the benefit already, although there is still a long, long way to go.  I'm not dieting but slowly reintroducing healthier eating back into my life.  The other reason why dieting isn't really happening is that one of my plans for this year was to learn to bake and my first attempt was pretty successful.  I made cupcakes on a day off in January using my brand new food mixer and it went well.  (I'll post the pictures on here later once I upload them from my phone).  Assignment no.2 turned out to be the Great Meringue Disaster.  I guess that's one for a later date.  Meringue fail aside, I'm planning the next instalment.  Be very afraid *evil laugh*.

I'm trying to throw myself into mindfulness, which appears to be working for me most of the time.  Even the below-freezing temperatures haven't got me down!  Last week we had a lot of snow which still hasn't melted.  Anyway I'm taking everything one day at a time, but I'd be a liar if I said there hadn't been dark days over the past month: there have been more good days than bad days though, and the old 'January blues' thing didn't really happen as I was actually relieved to get Christmas, and all that surrounds it, out of the way.  One very positive thing was that I managed to overcome my terrifying social anxiety to go to what turned out to be a very enjoyable evening last Friday with faithful travelling companion and his lovely friends. 

I took a month out of blogging and tweeting, although the planned internet detox didn't quite get off the ground.  (Will maybe try that again in the summer, the way I did a couple of years back).   I finally got round to getting my laptop screen fixed as well.  Just in time for throwing myself wholeheartedly into Eurovision season of course!

Breaking bag (or how I learned to love my shopping trolley)

Being a non-driver who does a lot of walking, it was inevitable that I would end up injuring myself as a result of carrying shopping bags which are far too heavy.  And that's exactly what happened a few months ago, and I finally made my mind up that after years of carrying heavy bags, enough was enough.  Drastic measures were required.  

I bought a shopping trolley. 

And since that time, I haven't looked back.  It was possibly my best purchase of 2014 and has changed my life.

Something else happened since I bought the trolley. In October 2014, the Scottish Government imposed a charge of 5p for every carrier bag provided by all retailers, (where these bags used to be free).  This is to ensure that people recycle their bags, but hasn't entirely been a successful move.  For example, I previously re-used my supermarket carrier bags as bin liners, but have now ended up buying packs of bin liners, which instead of the supermarket bags are now filled with rubbish and ending up in landfill, thus defeating the purpose of the exercise. 

Since the carrier bag charge was introduced, we now gleefully take our stash of carrier bags from rival supermarkets with us, probably much to the annoyance of those stores who, although trying to boast 'green' credentials, would like nothing more than their customers walking out of the stores with 'their' bags, advertising 'their' products.

One knock-on effect of the introduction of the carrier bag charge has been a slow but noticeable increase in the number of people turning up at my local supermarkets with their shopping trolleys in tow.  Either that or I may have started a trend among my fellow shoppers!

So, forget the notion that trolleys are only for "old grannies" well that's not true.  Anyway, who cares what people think?  Don't worry what people say, get out there and wheel your trolleys with pride.  Your health matters.  Your back, shoulders and arms will thank you for it, trust me :) 

Happy life-changing things

You'll remember that rather gloomy previous post about my miserable year and how I was hoping for this life-changing thing to happen.  Well, yesterday it became official. 

In January I will join the world of the part-time workers.  Well at least for a couple of months anyway, to see how it goes.  Working 4 days a week instead of 5 should help me to achieve that much-desired "work-life balance", give me more time to deal with all my extra caring responsibilities whilst improving my focus when I'm at work.  And it won't be all work and no play either: I can take mum out for coffee, or some retail therapy during the week instead of at the weekend when the crowds can be overwhelming. 

I'm also envisaging a positive impact on my own health and fitness, and am targeting some serious weight loss and improvement in my overall wellbeing.  And you never know....I might even have time to blog more regularly.  Win-win, I think you'll agree. 

So here's to a fresh start and happier times :)

Pulling myself back from the brink

I've been in a pretty dark place for much of the year:  balancing the unrelenting stress of day to day life and a full-time job, with being a full-time carer for my mum, who is not the same person she was before she got ill earlier this year, and the impact this had on my physical and mental health.  I never thought that at the beginning of the year that I would end 2014 at two stones heavier than I was at the start of it.  But we all have different ways to deal with stress and bad times, and binge eating was mine.  Even though I've been overweight for a number of years, I always maintained a high level of fitness but even that went this year, to a point where the pains in my legs became so debilitating that I couldn't even walk for long periods. 

Just weeks after my return from holiday, I spiralled into a deep depression, struggling with daily panic attacks, and I completely shut down.  That seemed to be the tipping point for intervention, acknowledgement and clarity.  I won't go into detail just now as there's some pending stuff which will help me to deal with it all; I don't know how it's going to go, but, well, it's worth a try.  I've also read a number of articles on the internet about being a carer, and these are helping me so much.

There is one other major thing in the pipeline (what I have called the "life-changing thing" on my Twitter feed).  It is now out of my hands, and I don't want to count my chickens, but if it happens, then life is about to get a million per cent better (ok I know there's no such thing as a million per cent, but hey...).  And if it doesn't happen, then I'll just have to deal with it.  But for the moment I'm hanging on to hope, with fingers and everything else crossed.

Before this post descends into a one-way ticket to self-pity city, there are reasons to be cheerful.  Although certain elements of the Christmas season relentlessly annoy me, regardless of how I'm feeling, I'm still looking forward to being around my loved ones and sharing happy experiences.  Two weeks from tonight, I'll finish up for a week's Christmas leave and I can't wait!  When almost every minute of your day and night is accounted for, particularly at this time of year, it's difficult to make time to make positive changes, losing weight, getting fit etc - I don't make new year resolutions, but those are definitely on the to-do list for 2015.  I also have new challenges and ambitions for the year ahead, so we'll see how far I get!

I suppose the thing I'm saddest about is that I haven't really had much time or energy to blog this year, but I can only hope that next year will be better in the blogging department.  And we are now in Eurovision season: if that's not a mood-enhancer, then I don't know what is...!

Back to the blogs

In addition to my much-increased caring commitments, it's been a mixture of laziness and bloggers' block which has kept me away from blogland over recent weeks. However, a few nice things happened recently, which have helped me turn the corner and get back into a happier place.

• The holiday: Trogir in Croatia was brilliant, and brought me the peace and calm which I'd been searching for, for so long.
• My birthday: I had a fabulous time thanks to the generosity of my loved ones, friends and colleagues.  It just reminded me how lucky I am to have them in my life.
• I quit dieting: I never realised just how much pressure I was putting on myself to lose weight, and totally beat myself up about it when it never happened.  Since that time I have stayed the same and neither gained nor lost, but the main thing is that the pressure is gone.  So I have had to buy some larger clothes, but it's not the end of the world. 
• I got mindful: yes it's a 'thing' at the moment, but I'm trying to practice mindfulness, living in the moment.  It may sound a lot of new-age-gubbins to some, but it seems to be working for me and for some other people I know.  Unfortunately there is no solution in mindfulness for time-managing your backlog of telly programmes/box sets so I'll need to work on that one :)

Here, but not really here, but....oh, here anyway.

My annual August internet detox has failed miserably, so I'm going to try it again in October when I'm full of post-holiday good intentions.  Hmph.  Anyway it's soon September and I'll try and fit in as much blogging stuff as time allows.

I'm still battling anxiety and depression.  There, I said it, and I'm trying to do something about it. Whilst I am completely honest, open and upfront about what's wrong with me - something which I have struggled with for almost 15 years - why do others have such a problem with it?  Let's just sweep it under the carpet.  After all, when you have the ongoing Groundhog Day bore-a-thon of the Ice Bucket Challenge and the daily Facebook obsessions, then why bother with someone who does not share your interests and quite frankly, just doesn't give a flying f**k??  Try independence of thought sometime.  You might like it.

No offence to those who have actually done the Ice Bucket Challenge, and all the money it has raised for charity.  Some of the video clips are admittedly funny, but it's just not for me.  The most annoying thing about this well-meaning but egotistical exercise is the peer-pressure placed on those with a mind of their own, who choose not to join Facebook and/or participate in this daily nightmare without end.

"Who hasn't done it yet??"  It's like a revival of school bullying, reinvented for adult life.  If you don't do it, there must be something wrong with you.  Don't you like a laugh?  Well yes, I do as it happens, but as the saying goes, are we not at "peak bucket" yet?  And in a summer where I completely unravelled and found myself in a very dark place, getting someone to throw a bucket of water over me is the least of my worries.  Get a life, people.

It is just over two weeks until I go on holiday: now there is something which fills me with excitement.

Finding my way back

After the extreme depression and alienation of recent weeks (and gloomy tweets), it is a relief to write a blog post which isn't soaked in doom and gloom.  Yes, I'm hoping that I have finally turned the corner.  I woke up on Friday morning and for the first time in weeks, the massive cloud had lifted, the fog started to fade and it was as if I had finally got myself back again.  Other little things have happened too, which will probably help me to move onwards and upwards in the coming weeks and months. 

Oh, and we have finally booked our holiday to Croatia in September!  These days of course, we can't really plan too far ahead, but fingers crossed that all is well at that time, and I finally get to fulfil one of my outstanding holiday ambitions at long last.

One thing which never changes is my continuing quest to lose weight, and have started yet again.  I've lost 3lbs in two weeks, a slow but steady start.  The unexpectedly warm weather of the past few weeks - no, I never thought I'd ever see myself writing that sentence either! - has been very nice, but it's been too warm to throw myself back into an ongoing exercise programme.  I have been back on the exercise bike though: it's a great way to exercise, although I'll need to get back to doing my aerobics if I want to get the desired results in the coming weeks. 

Here's what I made earlier

Been a long time since I did the blogging thing, so time for a catch-up!

Firstly, I've been on holiday over the past week - a welcome "staycation" with a couple of fab day trips which I'm hoping to blog about very soon (my version of 'very soon' at the moment is any time between 4 to 7 weeks...)
 

I finally took the plunge and bought a Galaxy SIII mini smartphone four weeks ago.  I am surprised that I have not gone bald since then, as I've been tearing my hair out over even the most simple aspects of it.  It's a good enough phone, but why are these bloody things not supplied with a manual?

Talking of hair, I have made several attempts to lighten my too-dark brown hair, and now I have some kind of half red, half brown dip-dye-in-reverse thing going on.

After weeks of outrageous weight gain, I managed to lose a few pounds by sticking to WeightWatchers Online.  Then proceeded to undo all the good work over the past 9 days.  Oh well...back to work tomorrow and back to the discipline of counting daily points.  I feel I'm in a good position to lose a few more pounds/inches for our big summer holiday, which is just 11 weeks away.   Croatia is calling - but there are so many options that I'm getting a headache just deciding where to go!

So I believe there's some football tournament on at the moment?  Yes we are in the midst of the World Cup, but if I'm honest, the first phase has pretty much passed me by - too many matches, too little time, and no prime time highlights programmes.  I'm trying to keep up with the knockout phase though. 

At long last I managed to post my Eurovision 2014 reviews over at EuropeCrazy.  Hoping to post the Copenhagen holiday diaries pretty soon too :)

8 days later

After 8 days in hospital, mum is home, and I am happy.

However, it is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another: the recovery.  Which is going to take a bit of time, due to her lack of mobility and general state of health.  But on the plus side, out go the hospital visiting marathons :) Now she is home, and no-one's clock-watching and she can recover at her own pace, in her own time.

As for me, being my mum's carer is a pleasure and a privilege, so it's all good :))