I've been in a pretty dark place for much of the year: balancing the unrelenting stress of day to day life and a full-time job, with being a full-time carer for my mum, who is not the same person she was before she got ill earlier this year, and the impact this had on my physical and mental health. I never thought that at the beginning of the year that I would end 2014 at two stones heavier than I was at the start of it. But we all have different ways to deal with stress and bad times, and binge eating was mine. Even though I've been overweight for a number of years, I always maintained a high level of fitness but even that went this year, to a point where the pains in my legs became so debilitating that I couldn't even walk for long periods.
Just weeks after my return from holiday, I spiralled into a deep depression, struggling with daily panic attacks, and I completely shut down. That seemed to be the tipping point for intervention, acknowledgement and clarity. I won't go into detail just now as there's some pending stuff which will help me to deal with it all; I don't know how it's going to go, but, well, it's worth a try. I've also read a number of articles on the internet about being a carer, and these are helping me so much.
There is one other major thing in the pipeline (what I have called the "life-changing thing" on my Twitter feed). It is now out of my hands, and I don't want to count my chickens, but if it happens, then life is about to get a million per cent better (ok I know there's no such thing as a million per cent, but hey...). And if it doesn't happen, then I'll just have to deal with it. But for the moment I'm hanging on to hope, with fingers and everything else crossed.
Before this post descends into a one-way ticket to self-pity city, there are reasons to be cheerful. Although certain elements of the Christmas season relentlessly annoy me, regardless of how I'm feeling, I'm still looking forward to being around my loved ones and sharing happy experiences. Two weeks from tonight, I'll finish up for a week's Christmas leave and I can't wait! When almost every minute of your day and night is accounted for, particularly at this time of year, it's difficult to make time to make positive changes, losing weight, getting fit etc - I don't make new year resolutions, but those are definitely on the to-do list for 2015. I also have new challenges and ambitions for the year ahead, so we'll see how far I get!
I suppose the thing I'm saddest about is that I haven't really had much time or energy to blog this year, but I can only hope that next year will be better in the blogging department. And we are now in Eurovision season: if that's not a mood-enhancer, then I don't know what is...!
Just weeks after my return from holiday, I spiralled into a deep depression, struggling with daily panic attacks, and I completely shut down. That seemed to be the tipping point for intervention, acknowledgement and clarity. I won't go into detail just now as there's some pending stuff which will help me to deal with it all; I don't know how it's going to go, but, well, it's worth a try. I've also read a number of articles on the internet about being a carer, and these are helping me so much.
There is one other major thing in the pipeline (what I have called the "life-changing thing" on my Twitter feed). It is now out of my hands, and I don't want to count my chickens, but if it happens, then life is about to get a million per cent better (ok I know there's no such thing as a million per cent, but hey...). And if it doesn't happen, then I'll just have to deal with it. But for the moment I'm hanging on to hope, with fingers and everything else crossed.
Before this post descends into a one-way ticket to self-pity city, there are reasons to be cheerful. Although certain elements of the Christmas season relentlessly annoy me, regardless of how I'm feeling, I'm still looking forward to being around my loved ones and sharing happy experiences. Two weeks from tonight, I'll finish up for a week's Christmas leave and I can't wait! When almost every minute of your day and night is accounted for, particularly at this time of year, it's difficult to make time to make positive changes, losing weight, getting fit etc - I don't make new year resolutions, but those are definitely on the to-do list for 2015. I also have new challenges and ambitions for the year ahead, so we'll see how far I get!
I suppose the thing I'm saddest about is that I haven't really had much time or energy to blog this year, but I can only hope that next year will be better in the blogging department. And we are now in Eurovision season: if that's not a mood-enhancer, then I don't know what is...!
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