October 2016: My first month with Fitbit

I have now had my Fitbit Flex for a month and am going into my 5th week of fitness tracking.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm in a team doing a step challenge at work so this has given me the incentive to move more and try to achieve that elusive 10,000 steps per day.

What I learned from my first 4 weeks is that I only went over 10,000 steps on 7 days out of the past month.  But on those days I've hit 15,000, or 13,000, or 11,000, whilst most other days I'm usually over 8,000 or 9,000 steps.  So there is still some room for improvement during the final week of the step challenge.  Let's not mention Sundays, shall we?  I'm trying to turn Sunday into a proper day of rest, which it never used to be, so walking and exercise isn't really on the agenda and that has been evidenced in my Sunday step totals.

I have embraced the Fitbit trend though and always look forward to finding out my daily step totals. The sleep log has also proved what I've known for a long time - I'm not getting enough sleep, and the quality of it is not good enough.  That is another area of my life which I need to sort out.  

I have also discovered Fitbit fashion....I initially bought a Fitbit with a black wristband as I thought this would match most of my clothes.  But then I discovered that you could buy replacement bands (below) so it means that I could colour co-ordinate which is quite good fun.

I have since discovered there are lots of different patterned replacement bands around, so I'm sure there will be more of them joining my collection :)

But enough about the looks - what about the results?

Since October started, my main focus has been on building up my general fitness and mobility.  Over the summer, I had no energy to walk anywhere and my mobility was shot to pieces.  During October, when I started moving more - with the added incentive of not wanting to let the team down - I now have more energy, and when recently faced with one of those crucial fitness tests, running for a train, I was actually able to do this, and wasn't too out of breath, whereas a couple of months ago I was in a similar situation and could hardly walk, never mind run!

I knew that October would not be a good month to attempt to lose weight.  I had more social events in one month than I've had all year - and although I'm moving away from the disordered eating of the past few months, I haven't really made good choices this month when it comes to healthy eating.

November is 2 days away, and it is mainly a "blank page".  So my goal for the coming month is to build up my fitness, increase my daily steps, and finally restart exercising the way I used to.  Again I will not be weighing myself but will focus on losing inches.

Progress report to follow 4 weeks from today!

My new coat

One tradition of mine at this time of year is to go in search of a new winter coat.  Some years I will be after an all-weather, waterproof/quilted/padded coat but this year I thought I would treat myself to a military coat.  Now I'm not a fashionista by any means and prefer to buy more 'timeless' clothes which will outlive fashion trends, but I like this coat which I bought in Tesco this week.

Although the military style is on-trend at the moment, the minimal amount of buttons on this coat, compared to some coats I've seen, should ensure a bit more longevity for this new garment. However, in an ideal world, I'd only really want to wear it this winter and then donate it to a charity shop.  For unfortunately I have had to go up yet another size, as a result of my "expansion" due to weight gain, which I hope will be temporary in the longer term.

I haven't been dieting/weighing myself over the past month, to avoid giving myself any more stress in what is already a very stressful month, but I will get there eventually.  It's not all bad though, for my general fitness levels are finally improving.

Fancy a sandwich? Or crisps? Or both?

Another of Walkers' "limited edition" ranges of new crisps flavours have been on sale for the past couple of months.

As a result of last year's special editions, they brought back Beef and Onion crisps, to deafening cheers here at EuropeCrazy HQ as that has always been my favourite flavour (after Cheese and Onion).

I always enjoy trying out these limited editions although they are inevitably always frustrating as a) they don't always taste like you expect, and b) they inevitably leave you feeling disappointed.

But what about 2016's limited edition range?  Well, they've gone with a sandwich-themed range of crisp flavours based on popular sandwich fillings.  Or "sarnies" as they are often called in England - although we don't call a sandwich a "sarnie" in Scotland, we call it a "piece"!  So on this occasion I thought I would "give piece a chance" (groan) although as a confirmed crispaholic whose crisp addiction has been the main factor in taking up residence in the obese section of the BMI scale, I should really be seriously reducing my crisp intake.  Yes, I know.  But it's a limited edition, and I just had to try them, in the interest of research, you understand :))

To try out all the flavours you need to buy the two different multipacks on sale.

Cheese Toastie and Worcester Sauce

Of course I'm a cheese-a-holic so this was my first pick to try out.  Unfortunately the cheese flavour doesn't really come through, however there is a definite "vinegary" taste which is probably the added Lea and Perrins flavour.

Ham and Mustard

I had high hopes for this.  If you've ever tasted the hardcore joy of Brannigans Roast Beef and Mustard flavour crisps (5 for £1 in Poundland) then you'll be aware of the power of mustard flavouring.

Here, however, all you will find is blandness.  The ham flavour is just not strong enough and the mustard flavour is barely there.  You'd be better off just going and buying a bag of smoky bacon instead.

Cheese, Cucumber and Salad Cream

On paper, the most potentially gross-sounding of the group turns out to actually achieve its goal.  For this has an overwhelming taste of a salad topped with a big dollop of salad cream.  The cheese flavour is non-existent, but you can definitely taste the salad cream.  I'm no fan of salads, but this is more authentic than most of the flavours.

Sausage and Brown Sauce

Again, potential for greatness here with the combination of meaty and saucy flavours.  It certainly has the strongest flavour of all the bags I tried but the brown sauce completely overwhelms the sausage flavour which you can hardly taste at all.

Roast Chicken and Mayonnaise

A pretty pointless combination - just buy a packet of roast chicken instead.  Although there is a definite 'creaminess' added to the mix.  The jury is still out on this one.

And finally....

Bacon and Tomato Ketchup

Didn't try these purely due to my hatred of a) tomato ketchup and b) tomato flavoured crisps.

My conclusion: sorry Walkers, but this is yet another pointless exercise.  I couldn't really see any of these flavour combinations working in the longer term.

Now after eating all those crisps, I need to go on another diet.....!

Another life-changing thing?

In my endless quest to improve my wellbeing and achieve that elusive 'work-life balance' I've started the ball rolling and put in a request for a new working pattern.  In a few weeks I will learn if my application has been successful.  It's out of my hands now so I just hope that the result will be favourable.  More news to follow....

Thoughts on self-destruction

I always view October as my 'new year'.  During my September holiday fortnight I always do a lot of mental/emotional stocktaking and look ahead to the forthcoming winter months.  Which usually includes attempting to start a diet and weekly weigh-ins after my birthday at the end of September.

Only this year, I'm not doing it any more.  Over the last couple of emotionally difficult years, I developed what you might call a 'disordered' relationship with food.  I gained a very large amount of weight through binge-eating, my way of dealing with depression, family illness and deeply painful losses, but there was still that part of me which hoped I could turn things round and get my weight down again.  For every pound or two lost, there would be some emotional trauma or another - even a bad day would be sufficient to plunge me back into binge-snacking, leading to even more weight gain and self-loathing, and spiralling into more depression.

And during all this I would be stepping on the scales, either at home or as part of a weight-loss thing going on at work, and I'd just feel like a failure.  One other negative aspect of gaining all that weight was the shocking decline in my fitness.  I struggled to walk anywhere and had no energy.  It was all self-inflicted, but I was in such a bad place that there was nothing I could do at that time.  Over the past year I often wondered if I'd really grieved properly for mum.  But looking back now, with a lot more clarity than I've had in a long time, I now realise that the grief was there but just manifesting itself in a different, self-destructive way.

That fortnight off in September finally allowed me some time and space to take stock of my life. Personal events of the past few months have shown just how precious life is and how it can be cruelly taken away from you when you least expect it.  I treasure being alive, and I've had enough of the self-destruction which has marked the past 2 years of my life.

Last weekend I bought a 'Fitbit' fitness tracker (pictured above).  This coincided with joining a 'step challenge' at work which has encouraged me to get moving again, more frequently.  For the first time in months I was back on the mini-stepper and the exercise bike, slowly building up my fitness and stamina.  The extra exercise combined with some reasonably sensible eating - and no bingeing - was a major turning point.  

The best thing about it all was that I didn't go near the scales.  The feeling and satisfaction of getting my fitness back is something that just can't be measured on a scale.  And the fitter I become, this will enable me to work towards losing that weight.  I learned a lot on Slimming World and have some favourite go-to meals which I will continue to enjoy.  But I also need to re-establish a healthy relationship with food, without the stress and worry about what the scales will say this week.   Because there will be no more weigh-ins - until such time when I feel that it will be a positive experience for me again.  I'm going to be in control from now on - the scales won't control me any more.

And how do I feel right now?  In a word.....liberated.