If it looks like a bag....

You know the saying - if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is inevitably a duck.

Today I discovered that my trusty indestructible hessian Asda Tickled Pink bag is not all it seems.  It is a good size, with two handles for carrying, and so it is perfect for carrying home a couple of after-work purchases from Poundland.

Shopping in Poundland was always fraught with peril, unless you went in between 8.00-8.30 am when it could be guaranteed to be a bit quieter.  If there are three tills in the shop, you are guaranteed that only one of these would ever be staffed. Queues and pound shops go together like me and cheese and onion crisps.

So when Poundland recently introduced self-checkouts, I was filled with a sense of impending doom. No longer would any till be staffed, and only one staff member would be around to enter their codes as and when required.  Which turns out to be frequently.

Self-checkouts can be a good idea if you have just a couple of purchases and want to just scan and go, rather than stand in a long queue.  Many stores offer both options, but for Poundland to only offer the self-checkout option is a bad idea.  Not everyone can cope with these temperamental pieces of technology.  Even those experienced in the ways of the self-checkout, like myself, it can be a very tiresome and time-consuming experience.

Anyway back to my trip tonight.  Before I could even scan my first item, a message appears on the screen - carried over from the previous shopper - and the assistant has to enter her code.  On we go. Oh wait - it's another message.  Bag not recognised in bagging area.  Even though I declared at the beginning of my transaction that I had my own bag, it's not recognised.  That item in the bagging area is none other than the aforementioned trusty indestructible hessian Asda Tickled Pink bag.  It's a bag. Everything about it screams 'bag', the sheer bag-liciousness of it, but not it seems in Poundland. Please wait for an assistant....

"It's a bag" I say.  I try to inject some weary humour: "It was a bag the last time I looked".

On with the transaction.  Two items scanned, and I'm ready to pay.

Error message on screen.  "Weight of items not recognised".

F***!

Please wait for an assistant......!

Finally, after what feels like half an hour, the machine accepts my cash and the transaction is over.

I don't think I'll be visiting Poundland as much as I used to.....

Hair today, gone...today

In October 2015 I decided to ditch my usual long hair for a drastic change (which I wrote about in this post - http://europecrazysrandomramblings.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/the-long-and-short-of-it.html)

Whilst everyone was complimentary about my new 'do, I didn't share their enthusiasm.  I knew what I wanted, but I ended up with a hairdo which just made me feel like an old woman.  Now I know I'm getting older, but I still like to think that I look younger than my years.  So I wanted a short haircut which is also more modern and edgy than the "old woman's bob" which many hairdressers seem to think you want if you are a woman of a certain age.

Needless to say, I grew my hair out, and once again I'd reached the stage where it's halfway to my waist.  But I can't even wear it down and have to wear it up instead, such is the problem with a soaking head of hair which is something I've suffered for almost 4 years since starting the change.

Therefore I decided to take the plunge once again.  This time I covered all bases and printed off some pictures from the internet of the precise hairdo I want. My hairdresser was very happy with this as she knew what she needed to do.

The end result was nearer what I was looking for, more layered and messy than the more sleek effort of last time.  It will also be more versatile to style and who knows what might happen if I just leave it in its natural wavy state...!

Anyway I'm pretty happy with it just now. We will see how long that lasts eh!!

Two years

Today is the second anniversary of my mum's death.  It's hard to take it all in - two whole years without her, and not a single day has passed without feeling the pain of her loss.

I always remember when it was my gran or papa's anniversary of their death, in February and April respectively. Every year my mum would mention it, but that would always be followed by a comment that "it's just a date, it's not any more important because you miss them equally every day".  And so I thought of that today.  My mum was not one for anniversaries, and birthdays weren't really for celebrating either.  So she will probably be looking down on me today, shaking her head and uttering a few choice words.

I didn't know how I would feel, two years on.  On the one hand, I've surprised myself at how well I've coped over that time - that seems to be everyone else's perception of me too.  You hear all this "time heals" stuff and that it "will get better".  Well, that's only partly correct.  In my own experience, grief has no expiry date. You adjust, rather than heal.  Over recent months I have experienced the most frightening episodes of deep grief imaginable. Some of it has been worse than the immediate sadness which I experienced after losing her.  But it could have been so much worse.  I don't know where I would have been without the man you all know as faithful travelling companion.  He really has saved my life and my love for him is endless.

For the last two years, grief has been part of my life.  It is not something that can be switched off, or thrown out.  But it's something I have learned to live with.  So today I am not really doing anything special.  Just remembering my mum with love.  As I do every day.

The summer of aches and pains

After two quite frankly terrible summers in 2015 and 2016 I had hoped that this one might just be a bit better.  Don't get me wrong, there have been highlights: two holidays in near quick succession in May (cruise) and June (Italy) definitely lifted our spirits. 

However, since the beginning of May I have had a throat infection and leftovers which just wouldn't go away; then more recently there was an accident which I don't want to go into detail about but suffice to say there have been some nasty injuries which it will take some time to recover from.  Then in two other unrelated incidents I have sustained back and shoulder injuries, the latter being a repeat of the one I had just over a year ago which forced me to quit the gym.  

As I am unable to exercise, my physical health has gone into yet another downward spiral. Feeling exhausted and just living for sleep right now.  Although even that's a struggle as I am still in so much pain.

I had managed to lose a bit of weight after the cruise but due to everything that's happened since, and of course going on another holiday and enjoying all that lovely food, meant that it's all piled back on. Oh well, never mind.  The main priority right now is overcoming all these aches and pains and once that happens, I can focus on getting fit again and losing a bit of weight.  Dieting is still off the agenda!  

In spite of how I've been feeling lately, my mood is pretty good, although the past week has been rather stressful.  My thinking has shifted from anxiety about what I can't do (e.g. my house once had a back garden, now it is a jungle), to just taking care of myself and exercising the maximum self-compassion.  Which is all you need,  Particularly on a day like today, as I'll explain in the next post.