Back to the blogs

In addition to my much-increased caring commitments, it's been a mixture of laziness and bloggers' block which has kept me away from blogland over recent weeks. However, a few nice things happened recently, which have helped me turn the corner and get back into a happier place.

• The holiday: Trogir in Croatia was brilliant, and brought me the peace and calm which I'd been searching for, for so long.
• My birthday: I had a fabulous time thanks to the generosity of my loved ones, friends and colleagues.  It just reminded me how lucky I am to have them in my life.
• I quit dieting: I never realised just how much pressure I was putting on myself to lose weight, and totally beat myself up about it when it never happened.  Since that time I have stayed the same and neither gained nor lost, but the main thing is that the pressure is gone.  So I have had to buy some larger clothes, but it's not the end of the world. 
• I got mindful: yes it's a 'thing' at the moment, but I'm trying to practice mindfulness, living in the moment.  It may sound a lot of new-age-gubbins to some, but it seems to be working for me and for some other people I know.  Unfortunately there is no solution in mindfulness for time-managing your backlog of telly programmes/box sets so I'll need to work on that one :)

Quitters never win, blah blah blah.

I've been fighting a weight-loss war for years.  Over my 7 years of blogging I've tried organised diets and doing my own thing.  I've seen highs and lows.  In 2011 I managed to get down to a size 14 and dropped to my lowest weight in nearly 20 years.  Since that time it's all gone horribly wrong, and I've been unable to sustain any kind of weight/inch loss.  The past year has brought the menopause, stress, anxiety, physical and mental health problems, increased caring responsibilities, increased work demands, and life has just overwhelmed me.  I've always been an "emotional eater" and used food as a response to stressful situations. 

In the past 6 months I have gained - wait for it - a stone and a half.  Even through periods of sticking to an organised diet, and eating healthily, there has been inexplicable and rampant weight gain.  Which, my menopausal friends tell me, is probably hormonal and stress-related.  Which has, in turn, completely messed with my mind.  Apart from the weight gain, the past six months have been mainly a time of complete doom and gloom, when at times things got so dark that it scared me.  For most of June, July and into August I literally couldn't function and most days I just wished that I didn't have to get out of bed, that I could just escape into sleep rather than face the world outside.

I have been taking Kalms for the past three weeks and the difference has been astounding.  My panic/anxiety attacks have been almost non-existent; I'm sleeping better, and the dark fog which has engulfed me in my daily life is now beginning to lift.  Living with depression is like a sentence hanging over you, you know that it's always going to come back sometime, but those times when you manage to chase it away is like the best feeling in the world.  I now have the clarity to make plans and major decisions about my life (more news to follow, hopefully soon) and in the immediate future I've decided to quit dieting and go back in time to when I didn't have such an oppressive, guilt-ridden relationship with food, when I didn't have so many hang-ups about points/calories, and just focus on the only thing which really works: exercise and sensible eating.  No more weekly weigh-ins, no more slavery to the scales! 

They say quitters never win, but quitting dieting is a good thing for me right now.  I've decided to draw a line under the last six months, and choose to enter the post-holiday/pre-Christmas period - always a difficult one for me - with a new, healthier attitude to life.

In the meantime though, there's the small matter of that forthcoming holiday.  Over the coming week I've scheduled a rigorous exercise regime which (a) will help me to cope with what is potentially one of the most stressful working weeks in a long time, and (b) will boost my fitness for the Croatian adventure. 

The countdown

After some rather gloomy previous posts, I thought I'd move on to a bit more positivity now.  I have this little whiteboard on my bedroom wall where I'm now doing a little daily countdown to my holiday, and writing my daily fitness goals and ticking them off.

I've been doing quite well over the past couple of weeks.  I'm still sticking to Weight Watchers, but my weight loss is very slow.  The most important thing for me is to lose a few inches, which is more important than what the scales say.  So I have returned to the aerobics routines which I remember from the twice-weekly aerobics classes which I went to at the beginning of the 90s.  OK so I may be older and heavier, but I still have the moves :)

Slight but positive changes are beginning to happen.  Of course with only a few weeks to go until my holiday, there isn't too much time left to achieve any drastic weight/inch loss - and I don't like that anyway, because in the world of dieting, slow and steady wins the race - but there is enough time to make a difference.  Onwards!

Finding my way back

After the extreme depression and alienation of recent weeks (and gloomy tweets), it is a relief to write a blog post which isn't soaked in doom and gloom.  Yes, I'm hoping that I have finally turned the corner.  I woke up on Friday morning and for the first time in weeks, the massive cloud had lifted, the fog started to fade and it was as if I had finally got myself back again.  Other little things have happened too, which will probably help me to move onwards and upwards in the coming weeks and months. 

Oh, and we have finally booked our holiday to Croatia in September!  These days of course, we can't really plan too far ahead, but fingers crossed that all is well at that time, and I finally get to fulfil one of my outstanding holiday ambitions at long last.

One thing which never changes is my continuing quest to lose weight, and have started yet again.  I've lost 3lbs in two weeks, a slow but steady start.  The unexpectedly warm weather of the past few weeks - no, I never thought I'd ever see myself writing that sentence either! - has been very nice, but it's been too warm to throw myself back into an ongoing exercise programme.  I have been back on the exercise bike though: it's a great way to exercise, although I'll need to get back to doing my aerobics if I want to get the desired results in the coming weeks. 

Here's what I made earlier

Been a long time since I did the blogging thing, so time for a catch-up!

Firstly, I've been on holiday over the past week - a welcome "staycation" with a couple of fab day trips which I'm hoping to blog about very soon (my version of 'very soon' at the moment is any time between 4 to 7 weeks...)
 

I finally took the plunge and bought a Galaxy SIII mini smartphone four weeks ago.  I am surprised that I have not gone bald since then, as I've been tearing my hair out over even the most simple aspects of it.  It's a good enough phone, but why are these bloody things not supplied with a manual?

Talking of hair, I have made several attempts to lighten my too-dark brown hair, and now I have some kind of half red, half brown dip-dye-in-reverse thing going on.

After weeks of outrageous weight gain, I managed to lose a few pounds by sticking to WeightWatchers Online.  Then proceeded to undo all the good work over the past 9 days.  Oh well...back to work tomorrow and back to the discipline of counting daily points.  I feel I'm in a good position to lose a few more pounds/inches for our big summer holiday, which is just 11 weeks away.   Croatia is calling - but there are so many options that I'm getting a headache just deciding where to go!

So I believe there's some football tournament on at the moment?  Yes we are in the midst of the World Cup, but if I'm honest, the first phase has pretty much passed me by - too many matches, too little time, and no prime time highlights programmes.  I'm trying to keep up with the knockout phase though. 

At long last I managed to post my Eurovision 2014 reviews over at EuropeCrazy.  Hoping to post the Copenhagen holiday diaries pretty soon too :)

Hello 2014!

Since my last (rather gloomy) post on here, some things have changed.

I have a new moose, which I bought at the Edinburgh Christmas market last month.  That was a pretty fab day, despite the torrential rain which has been pretty much a daily occurrence over the last few weeks.

The Christmas and New Year break was pretty fabulous, thanks to the most simple pleasures in life - lots of rest and relaxation and quality time spent with my two favourite people, lots of lovely gifts, a Christmas dinner triumph and ....happiness.

We have now arrived in 2014 and it finds me in a much more calm, upbeat mood.  Things haven't really changed that much, but I've entered the new year with a more upbeat attitude and a determination that it's not going to get me down.

After the stress and weight gain of recent months, I decided to rejoin WeightWatchers Online between Christmas and New Year, and have very positive news to report.  I have lost 5lbs in the past two weeks, and am pretty delighted about it.  A combination of hard work, determination and being very focused on mini-goals rather than less achievable targets.  Unfortunately I'm still struggling with the (inexplicable) foot injury/cramp, which has slowed me down to power-limping rather than power-walking :(

Nevertheless, onwards and upwards!  Better times ahead, and hopefully some holiday news soon!

The big decision: I'm quitting dieting

It's hard to stand up and admit defeat when something hasn't worked out, yet that's what I'm doing today. 

Since an illness a few years ago threw my metabolism into chaos, I've been fighting the weight loss war ever since, with mixed results.  Of all the weight loss plans around, I would definitely say that Weight Watchers Online is the very best, the easiest to follow, and it does bring definite results. I would always defend it in an argument when those followers of other weight loss plans tried to convince me that their diet was right and mine was wrong.  What any weight loss plan requires is constant commitment for it to work, and unfortunately, for whatever reason, I can't manage that level of commitment any more.

Since returning to WW exactly two years ago this month, I worked hard and by the spring of 2011 I'd reached my own preferred target weight and did the impossible - dropped a dress size. 

It wasn't long before the good work was undone and I proceeded to comfort-eat my way through the past 18 months.  There were brief bursts of effort but for every two steps forward there were three steps back.  I'm just not mentally focused on the rules of dieting any more, and the weekly weigh-in has become a thing of dread. 

Which is why I've made a big decision: to quit dieting and the weekly weigh-in.  I am stressed and anxious enough as it is, without the added tyranny of the scales.  Why do we torture ourselves in this way? 

That's not to say that I have given up on losing weight and getting fit: the method is just going to be a bit different, that's all, and I know what I need to do to get back into my "thinner" clothes again.   I know it may sound trivial but you can become obsessed with what weight you are.  What really matters is being fit and healthy.  Here goes....

Weight Watching goes back to basics!

As the great Neil Diamond once sang, "hello again, hello".

Where have the last few weeks gone?  One week is racing into another and I've been either too busy or just too tired to blog, as it's been quite a busy (and slightly stressful) time.

Inevitably I'll be dragging  the SAD lamp out of the cupboard soon - yet another unavoidable symptom of "summer" (although we didn't have one) turning into autumn and winter.  However I am tackling it head-on with a diet and fitness regime to take my mind off it all.

Drastic measures had to be taken, so over the past three weeks I've gone back to basics with the combination which works best: doing Weight Watchers Online combined with lots of walking and exercise.  There have also been social events, lunches, dinners etc, so it hasn't been easy!  I have lost 2lbs in 3 weeks, which maybe doesn't sound much to those people who lose about 5lbs in a week, but I like to go at my own pace and that just suits me fine.  Most importantly I've lost 4" from various places (!) in the past 3 weeks.  Early days, but so far, so good.

à la rentrée

So, my annual mid-September holiday-fortnight is almost over.  Tomorrow it's back to work, back to reality, back to dieting, back to all the mundane day-to-day stuff.

It's been great fun - our few days in Nice was the absolute highlight of course (blog post and pics coming very soon over at EuropeCrazy), as well as a couple of rather good days in Edinburgh and Glasgow, when the weather actually stayed dry and bright for a change. 

Time at home was a bit more unsettled due to circumstances outwith our control - work going on inside and outside our home, so there were less opportunities to just laze around and relax.  I did get some though, so it wasn't all bad.  Even enjoying the simplest of pleasures like having a double espresso and a Danish pastry is a joy.

But as Debbie Allen might have said in 'Fame', "Danish pastries cost, and here's where you start paying - in sweat".  I have gained a ridiculous amount of weight over recent months, so I am about to begin yet another dieting journey where I will commit myself to losing 14 lbs over a realistic period of 7 months.  All this whilst still enjoying all the good (bad) things in life.  But it can be done!  It worked for me two years ago and it will work again!!

Holiday time, and my big fat weight gain :(

So here we go.  The annual mid-September two weeks off work, which this year will be a mixture of vacation and staycation, all of which I'm looking forward to more than I could ever describe.

Unfortunately things haven't gone so well on the weight watching front.  Comfort-eating my way through spring and summer has meant that I am now 16lbs heavier than when I reached my goal weight (and blogged about it on here) back in April 2011.  Actually putting this down in black and white is pretty shocking, but then again I need to shock myself into taking action.  So after my holiday I'm going to take the same approach which I did from November 2010-April 2011, which involved six months of exercise and very hard work, but which brought rewards = I dropped a dress size, felt fitter, happier and more confident. 

But now my BMI is back up to 29, which means that I am officially overweight but teetering on the edge of the obese category.  So that's it.  Enough is enough.  Time for a fresh start after my holiday.

In the meantime, the "fat clothes" are in the suitcase. It is a holiday after all, so I want to feel comfortable whilst leaving room for all that pasta, pizza and wine consumption in France, where the last time I looked, there were no fat people.  But do you know what?  I'm going to leave the hang-ups at home this time and relax and have fun.

The real challenge will come at home during the staycation-part of the fortnight, however there will be plenty of time to exercise and hopefully the 'holiday weight' won't stick around too long. 

It's a jungle out there

No really, it is.  As it has pretty much rained constantly for the last 6 weeks, the back garden has forgot what  a lawnmower looks like.  I probably say this every year, but this really is the wettest summer, I mean non-summer, ever.

This evening there has been a slight breakthrough as it managed to remain dry for approximately five hours which was enough for me to go and cut down some hedges.  Or "topiary" as I like to call it :)

I am finally beginning to come out of that dark tunnel of depression and fatigue which started in April and hit a rotten low in June.  After a sickness bug it felt as if I ceased to function.  I lost interest in almost everything, and had no energy for weeks.  It has now been a week and a half, early days I know, but it feels like I'm finally getting the old me back again.

Unfortunately I gained a lot of weight during that time, but I'm working on it and lost 2lbs last week.  Again, early days but the motivation is back.  I'm enjoying getting fit again.

Weight Watching Weekly Update: fresh start

Last week, before I got sick, I decided to go back to square one and start all over again with the weight loss efforts.

A week and a half later, I have lost 3lbs which is a massive achievement.  Of course I'm still recovering from that sickness bug, but it's still a good start all in all.

Onwards and down with the weight :)

Weight watching: weekly update - Week 1

I meant to post this on Friday as that's my weigh-in day, but better late than never :))

I worked very hard to lose 1lb this week - stuck to counting my points and did lots of walking and exercise and drinking lots of water.  It was also a very difficult week work-wise which messed with my mind but I was strong enough to resist comfort eating.  

The weekend always brings challenges for any dieter of course, but I'll just have to work even harder from Monday to Friday!

Back to the rules :(

Those (mainly) rotten, busy and stressful couple of weeks, inevitably led to comfort eating on a big scale. The diet took a hammering and the scales went up. My ear/sinus infection of the past week didn't help either - I'm still trying to shake that off, by the way.

But over the last few days we've had, to use that well-used phrase "closure" in a way. So it's a good time to get a grip and get on with it. Even though it's "summer" and I should really be relaxing. But of course September is my "summer", when faithful travelling companion and I hit sunnier climes for a week. So I need to get in shape!

Our 2011 summer destination is, as yet, unannounced but there are a few ideas kicking around. News to follow in a few weeks....

You know, I learned something today.

I learned that maxi dresses are not for me: after three attempts at trying them on, I've decided it's three strikes and they're out. After losing all this weight and not thinking of myself as the fat girl anymore, the last thing I want is to buy clothes which make me look like a beached whale.

Oh, and I also learned that it's ok to eat a big Indian meal, a high-points risotto, and a great big Magnum ice-cream lolly, and stay the same weight I was last week.

Boot camp sucks.

That's the verdict after two days. Of the 15 rules of boot camp, the one which completely floored me was the 2 litres of water per day thing, which resulted in a total humdinger of a headache. It's not as if I'm detoxing - I love my strong coffee and diet fizzy drinks too much to give them up, do you want to push me completely over the edge???? - but that headache was a total stinker and ruined my whole day.

However the exercise element is going very well, so it's not all bad.

And anyway tomorrow night is Indian night! Mushroom pakora, chicken tikka masala, rice and nan. Who said anything about boot camp???

The first rule of Boot Camp is...

...let's talk about Boot Camp!

For the next 21 days* I've declared war on the wobbly bits and decided to tone up, get fit, get healthier.

That's the plan anyway.

So day 1 is over, and it's gone well. 20 days to go....

*Needless to say, this plan does not include the fab Indian meal which I'm going to have on Wednesday, or the nice big lunch I'm going to have on Saturday. Well you've got to have something to look forward to, haven't you??!!!

Happy Friday and the sun is shining

A rarity here: a dry day, some sun to go along with it, and allegedly 25 degrees. Which is about the hottest I can stand - any higher and it gets unbearable. We're never happy :)

Anyway, I lost 1lb this week, despite the excesses of the bank holiday weekend....going in the right direction.

The ups and downs of the numbers game

This week, it's been all about the numbers, and the ups and downs.

Quite appropriate in a way...a big chunk of my daily nine-to-five involves producing stats in various shapes and forms, and strangely enough I remain just a little fascinated by stats, even when the working day is over.

So....

This has been a record-breaking and totally amazing week over at EuropeCrazy, mainly thanks to a certain annual song contest :) so thank you all for visiting my blog during that time - and if you like what you saw, don't forget to call back regularly as you will be very welcome!

Now the bad news :(

I gained another pound this week, which is probably more of my holiday weight...oh well I need to work hard, no in fact I need to work much, much harder to lose all the weight I've gained over the last 4 weeks. After all, it's only 4 months till our next holiday. Destination unknown (at the moment).

Four pounds :(

Three weeks' break from Weight Watchers, five days in Italy. It was inevitable that there would be weight gain. And there was. Four pounds, to be precise.

But what the heck, it was fun while it lasted!!!

Tomorrow the fun ends....back on the diet, however I'm feeling confident that I'm going to succeed. Back to work tomorrow too....oh well.