I'm a lost cause, basically.

Remember that 7lbs which I was so proud of losing over February and March?  It's back, and has brought some extra flabby friends with it.  I feel so angry with myself for falling into this slump yet again, trapping myself in this cycle of more weight gain which makes me more miserable, and so it goes on.

I think it was Kate Moss who made that stupid pathetic comment a few years ago, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"...well, during those weeks I was losing weight, nothing tasted as good as stepping on that scale over those weeks to discover that the weight was going down, and it was starting to show. It was the best kind of natural high, yet fast forward a few weeks and I am now back to the beginning, crying with frustration that 95% of the clothes in my wardrobe don't fit. (All very 'first world problems' I know, but my mental health and weight have been linked for so long that when one of them goes wrong, the other follows).

The same thing has happened as previously - I started a "diet", I did well for a few weeks then it all fell apart as I began to feel bitter about weighing myself every week and having to account for every single thing I ate, and the lead-up to the weigh-ins again began to fill me with dread.  I don't feel in control any more - "the dieting" becomes controlling and restrictive, controls me, messes with my mind and I stop enjoying life. But then those numbers begin to increase, the weight and inches pile back on and all the time I'm trying to follow this diet, and all the time it's getting me down, I go into this slump, turn to comfort/binge eating, and the cycle perpetuates.

I've been dieting, and failing at dieting, for more years than I can remember.  That happens to a lot of people.  If diets worked, then the diet companies would go bankrupt.  But in my own experience, they only work for a little while and then life gets in the way.  So where do I go from here?  I need a new approach, a lot of commitment and above all, the need to rediscover moderation - and I need to escape from the toxic obsession with the scales.  Here we go again .....!!